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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

I've feel like crap!! I feel like a big fat cow and I HATE this feeling! I have not counted cals for over 2 weeks now (yay for me!) but I'm feeling really anxious now and have gained 2 pounds which makes me feel like crap and I feel like maybe I should keep track of my cals, but then I remind myself of how much happier I am eating what I want and not worrying about calories all the time. I'm 5'-5'1" and 109lbs, is that a bad thing? I feel like it is. And something that made me feel even worse is this website I was on the other day told me if I gained 2 more pounds I would be overweight!! I know that's a bunch of bull but it still bothered me. Of course today I feel bad because we went out to eat last night and went to the olive garden and I ordered chicken alfredo (yummy!) which I ate maybe 1/2 of and I had 2 breadsticks and some salad. Then later we went to cold stone creamery and had ice cream (yummy again!) and I ate a whole small which was cake batter ice cream, brownie, sprinkles, and a drizzle of chocolate syrup. I was SOOO full after that but it was like heaven though! I LOVE cold stone. I felt ok about what I ate last night but then I wake up today and it's a different story. I feel like a cow today. I just want to kick this thing and be normal again. I hate constantly thinking about what I eat and feeling bad because of it. Why can't I just be like everyone else and eat and enjoy it and leave it at that? I'm sure when most people go out to eat on the weekends they don't still think about everything they ate the night before all day the next day. I always ask myself why? Why do I worry about when there isn't anything I can do about it now anyway? That was yesterday, it's not like I can go back and change it and even if I could it would probably be just the same because I had a good time last night and ate really good food. It's just always the next day that I deal with the feelings. I'm sure most of you can relate to this. I'll try to make through the day without compensating but I really feel like doing it. Anyway, thanks for listening and any advice or reassurance would be wonderful...I just need a little pick me up today. Thanks!

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