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Bad week...
Jun 24, 2006
I dont know whats going on but this past week was horrible!! Almost the whole week I binged. I ate soo much food and feel so full it really makes me depressed just thinking about it and the pounds Ive gained. I dont even want to know how many calories Ive eaten. Feels like enough to last me a whole month. I guess it started monday then on to Tuesday. Tuesday night was the worst, I felt so bad about what I ate that the next day I made myself walk 6 1/2 miles home from school in about 100 degree arizona weather. I was so tired and sore when I got home - my legs and chest still hurt but I thought I deserved (sp?) it for the binging. Then wednesday I sort of restricted and thursday and friday I thought I should go back to 660 calories a day. I know I need to gain since Im 91 lbs at 5'3 but I dont want to gain to fast. So far this week Ive gained one pound. With the way Ive been eating I feel like Im gonna be 150 lbs by tomorrow. I hope not and Im trying really hard not to weigh myself right now. I really want to exersice or do something but its to hot to do anything. So starting tomorrow Im going back to 600 cal/day I have too, I feel like a huge pig. I hate this feeling of being so full. Ive notice when I eat more my stomach gets really huge. Does this happen to anyone? I mean its actually noticable when it happens. I have heard this can happen when people who are restricing suddenly start eating more and they feel bloated but I cant find much about it on the net. I cant believe people actually like being full. Times like this I see people who are overweight and their prefectly happy with it. I know being overweight isnt healthy either but why cant I be happy with the way I am? No matter what Im not happy. When I restrict Im starving and not happy then when I dont restrict and/or binge Im still not happy. Either way Im screwed. But tomorrow is the start of a whole new week and Ive promised myself Im not going to binge and stick to my "safe foods". I dont really diserve to eat tomorrow but if I dont I usually get light headed and my parents will probabily make me eat dinner. Which makes no sense because I know Ive eaten enough calories to last me for a few days so I dont think I should be eating tomorrow. I hope this works out. I dont know how I got into the whole binging thing Ive never done that. But as others here have told me it could be because Ive restricted way to much. But the thing I dont get is that I use to be able to restrict for months in a row without any problem of binging. It was hard but I would just deal w/ restricting one day at a time. Back then I was only eating one meal a day but I was also doing about 900 calories a day instead of my now 600 calories a day. I hope this week is better. Thank you for letting me vent out my problems





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