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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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hi i am unsure where this will lead but will help me to write and hope to recieve some advice ect
next week i am returing to a place which i stayed for a year in therpy this is before my ed began. i am nervous as have not seen some people for two or so years, i am very mixed some saw me when i was at my lowest and others still remeber me when i was at my biggest which is when i was there, i am now kinda neither, but i am still a little weighty anyhow i am nervous i dont know how i am going to deal with the food, their doing a buffet and eating around others is a challenege for me some will remember me from when i wouldnt eat others when i ate ok or alot and now i dont know what to do it is strange cos these are the people i feel closet to but the ones i fear eating around the most in a way, i am unsure what ill mmoment i am eating what i class as healthy and not overly restricting myself, just making sure it feels safe yet going i dont know what to do, id fear the attention drawn to not eating but likewise to eating, some i will be travelling with i am unsure how id eat around them, at the moment i feel much safer on my own eating but on this day i wont be able to, i am worried about my body image in a way i am slightly releved i am not underweight as this may have drawn attention yet part of me wishes i was that weight, i felt more comfortable with self and around others, i had to go clothes shopping today which was hard esp when the clothes i tried on didnt fit or were to tight knowing i could of once warn those and looked ok, then i had to come home, i felt to aware of how i observing others, it is strange that i look at people who are bigger than me yet feel they look nice in what they where yet to me i look bigger and horrible, i supose this is part of my distorted body image self view etc does anyone else feel like this-i supose i know you do but would help to have some feedback to help me know how to approach this
thanks in advance for any thoughts the last thing you wrote I can so relate to. My bestfriend and my sister are bigger than me. I know this, yet I still think I look bigger than them always and it isnt like only a 10-20lb difference either. My body image is so ridiciously distorted, and I realize that also, yet I cant see myself in the way that I am now- I only see myself in the way that I was-whom was the girl who was bigger than my best friend and my sister. So I understand where you are comming from completely. And about where you going and what you should do, that does sound like a tough one and I would be worrying about it also.. I would just say "roll with it" when you get there. Dont worry yourself over it until you have something to worry bout. You may get there and none of the problems you may think you will have will even exsist. And you and your friends will be having such a great time, none of you will care about what each other is eating or what each other's body's look like. At least that's how real friends are. Either way I wish you Good Luck and when you do come back from there, be sure to leave a post letting us know how everything went! :)

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