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Re: SO full!
Aug 1, 2006
Hey there!!
Joni - I haven't gone to the grocery store since you posted that "rule" list, but I'm definitely going to use that advice next time I go. I think I had gone grocery shopping earlier on the day that you posted that and I was laughing to myself because I was TOTALLY standing there debating over stupid things like lowfat yogurt or nonfat yogurt, small tortillas or big tortillas, and lowfat cheese or regular cheese. Of course, I ended up getting the lowfat cheese, the fat free yogurt and the smaller tortillas, but at least I didn't get the fat free cheese, etc.
I've been doing a good job of sticking to my meal plan, but I'm a little concerned that I've somewhat condensed it and I just THINK I'm eating the whole thing. But I really am eating a lot! Like, for breakfast, for example, I am supposed to have 2 grains, 1 dairy, 1 fat, 2 protein and 1 fruit. That would be 2 pieces of toast, 2 eggs, cheese, and maybe some OJ. What I really eat every single morning is a lower-carb tortilla with scrambled egg beaters and cheese and some blueberries or maybe some juice. Sometimes I'll have a latte, too. My snack midmorning is 2 grains and 1 dairy and I usually just have a granola bar. Then for lunch I do a good job - I almost always have a big turkey sandwich with bread, lettuce, tomato, avocado, turkey, and mustard and some sort of fruit on the side. The afternoon snack is always really hard for me to force in, but I try. Right now it's about 3pm and I am SO full. I ate that same breakfast, a granola bar, and that same lunch with an apple and I just can't believe how full I am. I can also tell that I am gaining weight, which is obviously a good thing, but it has me worried for several reasons.
First of all, if I'm not even really following the MP 100% (although I might be) then how could I be gaining all this weight? And second of all, how will I ever stop!?
I feel like my hunger has quadrupled since I've started eating more. I wake up every morning hungry (which never used to happen before) and I actually feel like I NEED to eat when it's meal time. I love that feeling, but it also scares me because I'm still so nervous to trust my body's signals.
Last night I went out to thai food and ate sooo much. We ordered a bunch of different dishes and shared them and they all came with rice and they were so good. That was at about 7. Later on that night I felt like I could eat again! I wanted a snack or something, but honestly, I could not even believe I was thinking about it b/c I had eaten so much at dinner! That is what I mean when I can't trust my body. I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling and if what I'm feeling is legitimate.
I'm exercising some, but not overdoing it. How about you, Joni? Can you exercise yet? I still absolutely LOVE yoga. I have been doing it as often as I can and I can just feel myself getting stronger and more flexible (and I'm sure the better nutrition is helping with that!!) It's given me such a sense of peace and happiness and I would recommend it to any and everyone. The other day I was in there and I just felt SO strong and connected to my core and I realized that I loved the way my body is feeling stronger and more alive. I didn't care that my hip bones weren't as visible or my arms weren't as frail - in fact, I loved that they weren't!

I do wish this recovery process didn't have to take so long, but I have been learning so much about myself in the process that maybe I should try and see the positive side of it. There are a lot of things I still need to work on and change, but then again, there are a lot of things that have already changed that I am so proud of. I just can't wait to be free from him and his ridiculous thoughts!!!! He's even commenting on my bulging stomach right now as I write this. I'm trying to tell him it's because I'm full and just ate, but he's telling me it's because I didn't exercise today and won't be able to do it tomorrow, either. How does he know I'll be fat if I don't exercise tomorrow if it's not even tomorrow yet!?!? See!! He even has faulty logic! Oh, so now he can tell the future??? Wow - I give him wayyyy too much credit. What a moron. Haha.

Anyway, that was interesting. Sorry for that break from reality. Haha. I hope everyone is having a beautiful day and I'll talk to you all soon!
HANG IN THERE, Pinstriped!! If I can do it, I know you can, too. You're doing awesome and seriously listen to what Joni said about women and curves. She's not even talking about "fat" curves - just natural, voluptuous curves that EVERY woman should be entitled to. Flaunt it!!

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