Teen with eating disorder?

hello

i am facing some problems as i am a dancer... ballet to be exact.
im ** years old, * andi weigh *
my goal weight is around *, and although this seems a small ammount, i have been batteling to lose it.
i look in the mirror and i honestly see an overweight, disgusting girl.
no matter how hard i try, i crash diet and abstain from eating for a day and it doesnt work. i get so emotional when i dont eat and lose no wegiht... i sometimes take laxatives and i have made myself sick to lose weight...
i dont think i will ever be happy with my weight... so many people told me how fat i was close to a year ago... since august last year i have lost close to *...
more recently. i have not been able to eat much, i get nausias, stomache cramps which lead to a running tummy...all this happens when i eat
i dont know what is wrong with me?!
many people think i have a disorder, but im ok, i dont think im thin enough to be anorexic...
dont make myself sick much either...
am i?