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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Hey, girl, congrats on the move! How's LA and the new job??? Is it really a lot of work or are you falling into the groove already? (I've heard about those ad agencies, lol!) Anyway, tell me more about it when you get a chance!

I'm really glad i noticed this thread (haven't been on in awhile), cuz i think you need a SERIOUS reality check on the food part of things. (i always feel like i'm harping on you about this and i hope you understand that i just want you to recover, k?) anyway, i'm surprised that girly or dawg or pinstriped haven't hit on this one yet either. (oh, those busy holiday weekends!) to all you girls, back me up if you see fit, k?

ls, what the he**?!?! seriously, girl. i don't even know where to start. you are absolutely starving yourself and (aside from the happiness part) you've fallen back to exactly the point you were BEFORE your treatment program. so where'd all that work go? i don't even really know what to say. i think you need to drop the "happiness=recovery" mentality for one thing. yes, in recovery, we DO become happier, that's true. but in NO WAY does happiness mean you're recovered. recovery is A LOT more than that and i think you assume that as long as you feel happy, you're doing fine (which in my opinion at least, you aren't). recovery = eating normally, healthily and ENOUGH, flexibility in food, exercising in moderation, acceptance of your body image, etc. happiness is a mere by-product, you know? so stop measuring your recovery by a mere feeling of happiness, okay?

part two i guess is the food. YES, you need your meal plan. for the love of God, you need a friggin' meal plan. without a meal plan, you IMMEDIATELY resort to the anorexia 101 diet. he**, even WITH the plan, you still eat like an anorexic NOT in recovery ("diet foods," skipping parts of the plan you claim to follow, etc.) so you NEED to figure out how to convince yourself to re-learn how to eat healthily. your program, therapist and nutritionist didn't seem to do it or help you do it, so i really don't know what to say. you HAVE to figure this out or you will never get better, hon.

that day you posted was disgusting. (if it means anything, my ED voice is actually JEALOUS that you got to eat that little for a day. seriously. something like, "she gets to starve herself and lose weight and i don't, blech." i'm easily able to combat that voice by realizing that i would HATE to starve myself all day and only eat diet foods when i do eat, but still. that plan is the "diet" of an anorexic.) what happened to breakfast? what happened to actually EATING or snacking when hungry? who the f*** eats salad without dressing when they're STARVING and then says she thinks she doing "fine" and "normal" on the eating part? why do you NEVER have cheese (a completely normal food) on burritos??? how can you NOT realize that this is NOT NOT NOT anywhere near healthy/recovered/normal?!?!?

my inner b**ch is coming out (obviously) and i'm sorry, but i'm frustrated. i don't know how you're ever gonna get better, honestly. you have NEVER stuck to your plan so a starvation diet still keeps you "satisfied" throughout the day and you think you're doing fine. all i can tell you is that you're not. not even close. happy or miserable, your eating disorder is winning 100% of the time and you seem to be making no effort to change that.

and in terms of your weight, what is it? seriously, we're the same height so i KNOW what "healthy" is, so what is the actual number? if you're saying, "I don't think I should gain weight still," then i want to see that friggin' number and KNOW that that's true. obviously, i don't believe that's possible at all. given what you've been eating (or i suppose i should say "not eating") over the past couple months, it simply isn't possible that you could've gained the 15+ pounds needed to get you to a healthy weight. just because ED is happy with your weight now does NOT mean it's healthy and you shouldn't have to gain weight anymore. c'mon ls, you know that.

i'm sorry i'm off and running in jonistyle tirade mode, but i really want to get these points across to you. i don't want to just be a pain in the a$$ criticizing you all the time, i just REALLY want you to get better, k?

on a happier note, i have started NOT COUNTING CALORIES!!!! it's pretty friggin' cool. i developed a meal plan that's VERY flexible (i need my options!) but basically guarantees i'll fall between 2700-3500 calories a day. My therapist said "Do it!" so i am and it feels SO free! it's really hard for me to do REALLY stupid things like spread PB on toast, but i'm working on continuously challenging myself and basically just following my motto of "just do it." anyway, certain things are harder than others, but it feels remarkably un-difficult. i thought it'd be SO challenging, but really, i just stick within my plan and know that i'm doing okay. kinda cool! anyway, i hope you can take some of my advice to heart and i'd love to hear more about the job! talk to you soon!

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