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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Hi, my name is Linda. I've posted before on the old boards, but my user name is Nicholen.

I am on the verge of being anorexic. I starved to lose a little weight. Then my father lost his job and I started to starve to keep my mind off the hard times. No I've slowed my motabolism down so much, I'm hardly ever hungry. I only eat when I'm bored. I'm 17 and am 5' 3.5". I used to weigh about 135 lbs and now I weigh between 122 - 125 lbs. My dad is working again, but I still have this problem.

I always feel depressed. I don't feel myself anymore at all since I started this. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel very alone, as if I am locked up all alone in a dark dungeon and the whole world is outside still going on. I've never had much confidence in myself but I am starting to get more. I also feel very bad about my self. I mean I know I'm not fat but I don't think I'm skinny. I have a very broad body and that may be part of the reason why. I guess I feel that if I'm skinny I will be more confident and people will accept me more. I see all these skinny people on TV who are practically skin and bones. I see them so much that to me that seems 'normal'. I am also into dance and gymnastics and they're super skinny too.

I am also very depressed all the time. I feel a huge emptiness inside that just won't go away. It feels as if no one cares that much about me, besides friends. It doesn't seem as if my parents even care that much about me anymore. I've talked to my conselor about some of this and she said to talk to them. It never seems to work. They just think I'm having an "episode" and then when it's over, every thing goes back to the way it was!!! They just don't realize what I'm going through!

I was just wondering if anyone else feels anything like me, and if anyone has any suggestions. They will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Linda






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