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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Hi I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad right now and so frightened. I DO know how you are feeling because my parents confronted me on many occasions and each time I became more and more frightened. The first time I thought everything was going along fine and then suddenly they told me that they knew I was throwing food away. I felt like I had been backed into a corner and felt like a hunted animal as if no one understood what I was going through and how terrified I was at putting on weight. There was still a little part of me that felt relieved too though because I had been trying to cope with such a terrifying illness for so long on my own and I DID want to be free of the anorexia. Try not to freak out with them and get angry they are just showing you that you care. I actually think your room-mate was very brave, she risked the fact that you might never talk to her again because she had intervened and tried to help. She was scared for you, she didn't want her friend to die and the only thing she thought she could do to help was to phone your Mum. On occasions I have had to talk to anorexics and confront them with their illness and tell them exactly how sick they really are. Mostly they deny there is a problem and do get angry with me for suggesting that there is one but over time when they realise that someone understands about the voices in their head that tell them constantly to not eat and to purge all food from their bodies they feel relief. We can none of us cope with these ED's on our own that why there are web-sites like this that are so popular. These illnesses are scary and we always need help to get through them it is just very important that you explain that the help needs to be tailored to your needs.

It wouldn't have only been the fact that you were trying to eat too much too quickly last night that made you sick. You chose the wrong food (much too rich) when your system is not used to food and the fear that you are feeling about what will happen next would have totally screwed up your system. You will be able to eat without vomiting but you have to be in a calmer frame of mind.

Obviously your Mum is terrified right now that she is going to lose her daughter and unfortunately I cannot say to you that is a totally crazy thought because you are suffering with a very serious illness that is potentially life-threatening. She will want you to get help and you DO need help but you need to get the expert help that will allow you to beat this illness. Try and explain this to your parents, say you will allow them to help you but that they need to involve you in choosing the treatment. Does that sounds reasonable? That way you will be helped out of the state you are in but in a way that you can cope with.

As I mentioned earlier I do know about the voices in your head that tell you how to behave. They are incredibly powerful I know but you CAN fight them. I have fought mine and though it is still a daily battle, I am winning against them. Take heart this intervention by your room-mate could have saved your life and wouldn't it be wonderful not to have to take the laxatives and suffer the pain, or to get a good nights sleep rather than exercising for hours. You can be happy again, you just have to accept help and then work hard to recover.

I know that everyone on the board is here for you if you ever want to chat and I am too privately or on the board

Take care and good luck today

Love

Anna

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 06-26-2001).]





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