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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

May 24, 2001

So a couple weeks ago I decided not to make myself throw up anymore (I don't think I am/was bulimic; I typically only eat about 800 cal. max in a day, but when I eat something "normal" like a real actual meal or something like that, I used to make myself throw it up). Anyway, I have had a few times when I felt really tempted, but I always chose not to, because of all the scary things I've heard about purging, and also because I had this strange feeling in my throat. But today I ate PASTA for BREAKFAST! What was I thinking?!? I normally eat exactly one-cup of dry cereal (110 cal.) and that's all and here I ate a whole bowl of pasta (the little macaroni kind with tomato sauce). Arggh, I felt like my day was ruined. Usually if I "mess up" it's dinner time, and...well, anyway, I felt like my day was shot, so I went to the bathroom and was going to purge, and I actually did, a little (maybe 1/8 of what I ate) and I stopped. For one, too be detailed about it, I haven't had any water with my breakfast, so I had a hard time getting anything up, but I know I could of if I stayed there for a while. Anyway, I also thought to myself that "I still have the rest of the day to do things right", whatever "right" means. So I am sitting here, still feeling like I should hurry up and go throw up before I digest too much of this pasta sitting in my stomach, but the other part of me is saying, it's OK, it's just pasta, it's not like I ate a cake or something.

Does anybody have any tips on what to do in those 15 minutes or so right after you eat and you can feel the food in your stomach, and it's begging me to throw it up...?

It's ok, I have all day to make good choices. I mean, I guess I know deep down inside that by "good choices" what I really mean is "no choices", since I guess I am pretty much done eating for the day, and I am worried that somebody will make me eat something, and then I will have to run forever tonight, and what if I don't have enough time?'s ok, I'll be fine. I just need to get on with my day. Sorry for rambling.


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