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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Well, you guys are all right about yesterday's binge not being so huge or unhealthy for me. However, the previous two days, the binges had been on a lot of junk food, just like yours, Cloudy. I usually plan on fasting after binging (even if I do purge), so when I get too hungry and eat something little, I feel like I've failed and then I just blow the rest of my day. I think that's what may have triggered it yesterday. But I was so scared for the rest of the night and I thanked God I hadn't eaten anything more fattening, 'cause I would've gone insane. I managed to numb myself afterwards, but I kept waking up every half an hour during the night thinking about what I had done. You're so right about trying to remember what a great feeling it is to go to bed knowing you haven't binged or purged. I haven't done it today and am trying to stay focused on fasting on raw fruit/vegetables and going through with my exercises. It's amazing how much less likely to binge I am when I work out, although it's sometimes the hardest thing to force myself to do. I also don't like being obsessed with it (whether it be a few floor exercises or heavy cardio) to the point where I can't start my day or get out of the house if I don't do them. I just want to be like normal people...

Thank you so much, guys, for replying to my neurotic yesterday's post. I'm really glad I've discovered this board and feel relieved to share my experience and read of others' with people who understand. My heart goes out to all of you and I desperately want to be of assistance to everyone and often feel so pathetic and selfish for whining about help for my own messed up self. Please, try to understand. Thanks again.

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