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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Hello Everyone!
I've posted on this board before but it has been a while. I usually read the updated posts though. I am having some problems and I needed someone to talk to.
I am bulemic and have been for a little over a year now. I am constantly worried about my weight. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I try to go for a few days w/out food and can usually do it, but then after about a week or so then I always either end up bingeing and purging or just bingeing because I am often so out of energy that I can't make myself throw up the food. I have recently started a low carb. diet. I have been on it for 4 days, and I feel miserable. I am not used to having food stay in me, and now my stomach and chest have been killing me. I am also having a lot of problems with anxiety/shortness of breath. I have been having extremely bad headaches, too. I think that is from sugar withdrawls, but I'm not sure. I feel like I am gaining weight though instead of losing weight. I am so uncomfortable with myself. I don't even like to wear shorts or anything and esp. like jean shorts because I feel to fat. This lady I know lost 17lbs. in 14 days on the carb. diet, and I want to do that, too. That is why I have gone on it. But I don't want to stay on it if I am not going to lose the weight like that, and right now I feel sooo fat. I don't know for sure if I am gaining or losing though because I am afraid to step on the scales to weigh. I hate seeing that number that appears!
I don't know what to do anymore. I hate living like this, but it is so hard to change. I either hurt and have such bad symptoms or I eat and finally keep some food down and feel really nervous and stuff because I didn't make myself throw it up.
I know the way I eat and the things I do are messing up my body, but I can't seem to forget my weight issue. I can't stop what I am doing. I am seeing a psycologist, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. I mean we talk and stuff and I tell her things, but I'm not getting any better by it. Do you know what I mean?
I don't know what to do at all. Does anyone have any advice? If so, please respond to my post. I appreciate everyone listening to me.
Thanx,
Kaela





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