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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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I give up. Iím not getting anywhere. Iím making no progress whatsoever and I donít see the point at devoting my life to something I canít even accomplish. Whatís the use? Iím only going downhill now. Not uphill like I should have been. Iíve tried to eat more... Iíve tried to stop purging... Iíve tried to stop harming myself. Nothing works. I canít stop this... any of it.

I just want to go to sleep and have everything be okay for once when I wake up. But thatís just a stupid hope and itís never going to happen. What more can I do? Keep filling myself with false hopes and expect that one day it might actually come true, even though deep down I know that itís just not a possibility anymore? There doesnít seem to be too much point in that, does there?

Some days I wonder if I really do have an eating disorder. I know that technically, I am slightly underweight, but so are a lot of people and not all of them have eating disorders... Other days I really think that I may as sometimes... I donít even have to force myself to be sick anymore... I canít keep some food down even when I want to. :( Itís just no use anymore. I canít stand the feel of food inside of me. It makes me so guilty, so ashamed and so, so depressed. I want it to be my choice, when I eat and when I donít... and why shouldnít it be? All those doctors should just leave me alone and let me do what I want to do... and thatís not fight this anymore. Maybe if I just go along with it, it will somehow go away... I wish they wouldnít interfere... I feel so alone in this world already... I wish there were just ONE person on my side...

I apologise for the rather long Ďventí... it just helps to get it all out sometimes...

Ashlee :(
I'm not going to take the time to read everyone's reply-I've already spent too much time on this forum-so sorry if I repeat what others said

Whatís the use?-
as long as their is breath in you, there is hope-never ever forget that-you are special, no one in this world could replace you-

Iím only going downhill now. Not uphill like I should have been. Iíve tried to eat more... Iíve tried to stop purging... Iíve tried to stop harming myself. Nothing works. I canít stop this... any of it.

It's hard to change behaviors-you have these behaviors for a reason-you can't take that away until that reason is dealt with-it takes time and you will go downhill at times-that's all part of progress

I just want to go to sleep and have everything be okay for once when I wake up. But thatís just a stupid hope and itís never going to happen. What more can I do?

keep on trying-keep on working on it-keep on talking-and dont' be so hard on yourself
Keep filling myself with false hopes and expect that one day it might actually come true, even though deep down I know that itís just not a possibility anymore? you put a question mark at the end of this last sentence-and that, to me, proves that you still are holding on to hope-that is what counts

There doesnít seem to be too much point in that, does there?
t
he point is YOUR LIFE-if you keep up the behaviors you are doing, you won't be along much longer-are you ready to die-to lay in a coffin-to be six feet under-this may sound harsh, but it's the truth and you need to know the truth-1 in 3 people with an ED will die-

Some days I wonder if I really do have an eating disorder. I know that technically, I am slightly underweight, but so are a lot of people and not all of them have eating disorders... Other days I really think that I may as sometimes... I donít even have to force myself to be sick anymore... I canít keep some food down even when I want to. :( Itís just no use anymore. I canít stand the feel of food inside of me. It makes me so guilty, so ashamed and so, so depressed. I want it to be my choice, when I eat and when I donít... and why shouldnít it be? All those doctors should just leave me alone and let me do what I want to do... and thatís not fight this anymore. Maybe if I just go along with it, it will somehow go away... I wish they wouldnít interfere... I feel so alone in this world already... I wish there were just ONE person on my side...

you need to be on your side-when this happens, than you will be ready for the struggle

------------------
"The future is not only tomorrow, but the next second that comes, and anything can happen in a second." Penny

[This message has been edited by cutenbrat (edited 07-02-2002).]





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