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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hello all,

It took me a lot of thinking if i should post here.My situation is somewhat different than yours but i think maybe i could get some advice on what to do.

Let me tell you a few things about my past. I was a fat kid especially during the age of 7-12.I continued to be overweight till the age of 16.Then in one summer i said enough and lost almost 40 pounds in 3 months. I believe this was detrimental for my developement as it was a one meal a day diet.As you can see i was starving. I had lost all my fat ,but also all my muscle.Then i decided to sign up to a gym.I also started to eat better and look better after all. The first 2 years(till my 18) i didn't really have an athletes diet but i could cope with my workout and all. Then i started taking the gym more seriously and set up a steady program and also started a bodybuilders diet.I also started taking the known over the counter supplements such as creatine ,protein powders etc.At the age of 21 i was very well developed and you could say i was a big guy for that age whatsoever.Then i decided to step into the next level.Bodybuilding drugs such as steroids,thermogenics,thyroid hormones etc... I was saying to myself that i would take them only one time and thats it.I was kidding myself of course. I am now 23 and already have taken them 3 times and i don't know if i can stop. Up until here you must be wondering why i am posting this here .... well here it is. When i started taking these drugs i also started to pay more attention to my nutrition to a point that if i didn't have a meal every 2 hours i was pissed.This made me very antisocial. Also i was spending all my time to the gym,reading about drugs in the internet and resting to cope with the hard workouts. This effected my whole life.I neglected everything including friends,girls,college,family...all the important stuff.Not to mention the possible harm i am doing to my self by taking all those drugs. This summer i think i also got an eating disorder. I started a diet to lose some fat and finally see my abs but it was way too strict and had no variety. Basically i was eating oats,chicken,eggs,green vegetables,flaxseed oil. The first couple of weeks it was ok to stick with but then i started breaking the diet.Not continuously but at least once a week. I jumbed into the fridge and ate anything i could find.In other words...i was bingeing. These were so huge meals that i was sick for a day or two.During the meals i could think anything i just wanted to eat everything in site. Lately this habit is getting worse... I binge at least 3-4 times a week with even bigger meals.We are talking about 2-2500 kcal in one sitting here...Of course my diet has gone to hell.. but i work so hard to the gym and i am just getting bigger and not fatter. I really think this is an eating disorder and i don't know what i should do. I just want to be a normal person again and not this bloated guy with the distended stomach. I feel very lonely all the time, i have very few friends and i only seem to have a good time at the gym while i am doing something that i love so much.Any advice on my next step or any comments or even flames are appreciated.

I am sorry for the long story and if a mod believes this doesn't belong here,then he should erase it.I don't want to bother people who have their own problems with my silly story.


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