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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Dear Katie, I am so glad that you are trying to get better! It takes alot of guts to admit it and want to get out of that vicious cycle and I am absolutely SURE that you will overcome this and one day be happier and healthier. :) It doesn't always happen overnight so don't beat yourself up about having a bad day. The most important thing is your health, so if you are tempted, remind yourself of that. Don't worry too much about your weight, your family and friends love you cos of who you are, not what you look like. There will always be some ignorant and stupid people who are shallow and superficial, and if they judge you by how much you weigh, then they absolutely DO NOT deserve to be your friends.
You can always lose your weight(to a healthy weight of course, if you aren't already there :)) after you stop purging, and you really don't have to starve. The most important thing is being healthy! Eating in moderation and less carbs will help alot! You still should eat carbs, just not too much. For that amount you need for energy, try eating complex carbs like cereal(not the sugary kind- Post has a good selection), brown rice(which is very nice!), potatoes, wholemeal pasta, fruits, veggies etc. For breakfast, say a bowl of oatmeal with raisins and honey or cereal will suffice. Fruits, veggies and health tonics will aid in your recovery. The body can recover slowly, but you have to help it along. I know it is SOOO very very very hard to go from eating whatever you want, to eating normally. I resented this so much when I was trying to stop, eating all that junk made me feel "better" about my problems and insecurities, but it was only a temporary solution. I felt "better" only for say, the 15 mins that I was binging, after that, I was practically crying with the guilt and the thought of having to purge being tired as I was from wolfing down all that food - practically ready to faint.
Perhaps you can try what I did: Set a deadline for yourself, say in 2 or 3 days(not too long or you'll forget there was a deadline :)), say goodbye to your comfort foods(but don't overdo it), then stop completely. On your first day, perhaps you can eat small amounts of fruits(bananas,papaya,watermelon,honeydew or relatively soft easily digested fruits) or vegetables(cabbage soup-check for recipes on the net,quite tasty actually. Mixed veggie soup etc), with perhaps some salmon or lean meat. Make sure you eat ONE banana everyday or every other day, the potassium will help balance the electrolyte imbalance caused by purging) Eat small amounts until you are not hungry but not FULL. This is very important cos if you eat too much, naturally you'll feel like purging. Continue eating small to medium amounts of healthy(healthy doesn't mean bland) food until your stomach grows accustomed to digesting food again. Don't forget to give yourself a small treat say, every week or so, and end it with one treat. If you deny yourself of the foods you like for too long, it is likely that you will have a relapse. Or you could try going cold turkey on treats altogether like I did, and by the time I did have a piece of chocolate or something again, it tasted horribly sickly sweet to me, and I never hankered much for it again. Basic health supplements like blackstrap molasses(lots of iron and multiple vitamins) and flaxseed taken once a day will help alot too. See a doctor if you feel sick. Continue on your healthy diet until you feel fine enough to go for walks or sedentary cycling. Try to go for a walk after dinner at least 3 times a week. Have patience and you will feel fitter soon. Slowly as your body adjusts and gets stronger, you can establish an exercise routine say 3 times a week of whatever activity you enjoy, then you can eat whatever you like, in moderation, and not worry about it! Be patient and don't over exert when you first start exercising. Some days you'll feel like exercising, some days not, some days you might eat too much and feel guilty and a little sick(as we all do on occasion), just hang on and don't throw it up, it will pass and you can go for a walk tommorow, don't worry about it, we all lose hope sometimes, but it is always there. Sorry my post was soo long, I just really hope some of this will help you get on track, it's different for each person I guess. You can try this whenever you feel inclined. I am still praying for you and all of the people on this board, and I cannot wait to hear that you have triumphed over this illness! Believe in yourself and have faith! I know how terribly hard it is when you feel tempted or are feeling down, and eating seems to make it better, even if it only lasts for awhile. If you have a bad day, don't worry about it, just try harder the next day! Post here whenever you want to rant or need advice or motivation, or share your feelings with a loved one, troubles are much lighter when they are shared. Remember, you are NOT alone. :)

Wishing you the very best,


(p.s: Sometimes when I was feeling as Anne of Green Gables would say, "In the depths of despair", I'd wonder how a loving God could allow such suffering to go on in the world, not only mine, but all the sickness and the wars and how cruel people can be to each other, just when I was giving up on hope, I always tried to remember that we were created free to choose and how Jesus Christ, who was sinless himself, suffered on that cross to save us, how he, son of God among men, was ridiculed and tormented, how much pain he must have felt, all for us.. When I think of that, I am convinced that for all that happens to us, there is a greater purpose. It might not be to "save the world", but perhaps, to make a difference or help someone else in their darkest hour, to be kind to someone at a point when they think there there is no hope, or even to change your own outlook and view on life, then I stop wallowing in my discontent, and try to be a better person. I don't know if you're a Christian or not, it doesn't matter either way, but when you are feeling absolutely low, think that for all you have been through you will come out of it a better, wiser person, who can help someone else no matter how small it may be, or perhaps you already have made a difference in someone else's life. Knowing you has made a difference to me, even if it's just in words, I will always remember you and how courageous you are. :) It doesn't matter what religion you are, you are important to your God, and he has a plan for you, even if you don't see it. So never give up and take care! :) (Goodness I do ramble on..)

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