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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Hi everyone! I've been reading the boards for about a month now, and it's really helped me to realize I'm not the only one going through this. Everyone here seems to be very friendly and supportive, and I only hope someone has some advice for me.

Last year I decided that I needed to loose about 15 pounds or so, so I went on a 1200 per day calorie diet, and began exercising 40 minutes a day 6 days per week. I lost about 20 pounds in a very short period of time (about 3 months) because I always stuck very strictly to my diet. I'm talking obsessive here, counting calories every single day, worrying if I went only 20 calories over 1200. It was getting ridiculous. I don't know if this would be considered an eating disorder or not, but I needed and wanted to stop.

So after a while, I got fed up with this. Plus, I had an emotional break up with my long-term boyfriend, which caused my binges to start. I don't know if my binges were to the point of being considered an eating disorder...maybe they were, I'm not sure. So I started binging about 3 days per week, and then going back to my "1200 calorie diet" the other days. At the same time my face started breaking out really bad, which has never been a problem for me.

I finally got away from the 1200 calories, and now I'm trying to eat healthy. I eat mostly fruit, vegetables and lean meats, but I still find myself wanting to binge on the weekends. I can usually restrain myself to eat only "normal" amounts of a lot of food (does that make sense?), but I wish the desire to binge would just go away. But even when I don't binge at all, I've found that with eating normal amounts of food I seem to be gaining weight. I've been scared to weigh myself so I don't know exactly how much, but my clothes are much tighter so I know that it's not just a mental thing. It's not weight that I should be gaining either, I wasn't really under weight before. I'm estimating that I probably weight around 135, but I'm only 5'4". Ideally I would like to weight around 120, which I don't feel is unreasonable.

I realize that I probably slowed down my metabolism when eating only 1200 calories a day for so long. Now if I want to eat regular amounts of food, I seem to rapidly gain weight. This is causing me to want to go back to eating very little, which I don't want to do because I want to be able to eat normal again without gaining weight! I still exercise at least 4 times a week, and I'm eating healthy, regular amounts of food. Does anyone have any idea why I seem to be gaining weight? Is there anything else I can do to help speed my metabolism back up? I'm even trying to eat several small meals throughout the day beacause I've heard that helps.

Please help, I don't want to go back on another yo-yo diet.

Oh, and I have one more questiobn. I'm not sure if it's just a mental thing or what, but even when I eat regular amounts, or even large amounts of food, I seem to always have a hungry feeling in my stomach. It's very annoying, any idea why I always feel hungry?

Thanks so much for any advice!

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