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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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UGH!!!!!
Jun 25, 2003
(1st entry--here it goes-)

Hey. All of my life, I have been an overeater. I used to be very normal, quite skinny in fact. But now, I am 15 lbs overweight. I do not view myself as fat, and I dont think my friends do either. I appear pretty normal, not skinny, but yes normal. But, I did want to trim my waistline and loose weight. I don't have to be a skinny-mini, but I do want to be at a normal healthy weight. So, I decided to start weight watchers. For the 1st time in my life I actually ate healthily. The feeling was great. I exercised everyday (almost). I lost 5.5 pounds in 2 weeks. (i have to weigh myself once a week) But around the beginning of my third week, I become obsessed. Eating is all I thought about, talked about, read about and dreamed about. It become annoying towards those around me. I felt stressed out because it was so important to me to eat right and loose weight and get skinny. Today was the end of my third week. The week went ok...up until the last two days. Yesterday I did fine, but then I started pigging out last night. I seriously ate about 4 servings of cookies, 4 servings of goldfish, 1 cereal bar, 1 granola bar, 1 fruitsnack, 3 glasses of milk, 1 oatmeal pie, and who knows what else. This was all consumed in 30 minutes. I then felt really sick, physically. It was weird, because I am used to pigging out. That used to have been really normal for me, but I havent eaten like that in about 3 weeks. So I went to bed. I set a goal to eat healthy the next day. Today I was absolutely terrible!! I have eaten constantly the whole day. I knew I wasnt hungry some of the day, I ate anyways. Eating has always been pleasant for me. But now that I have been dieting, I feel completely gross and guilty. I ate nothing but snacks today also. No meals. All snacks. I ate a half box of cookies, 2 servings of wheat thins. Shredded cheese by the handful. 2 bagels & 2 slices of bread with butter. Mint choc. chip icecream. Rice krispy treat. Coke-a-cola. 2 servings of goldfish. 1 serving of cheese-its. 1 cereal bar. 1 bowl of cereal. Lots of milk. 3 glasses of sweet tea. 5 fruit snacks. (as in gummy, not real fruit) AND MORE! This was all consumed in about 5 hrs. I feel nasty! I really really really wanted to throw up, but I didnt know how. I even got online to find out how, and accidently found your posts. I decided to register. I am developing an eating disorder. In fact, I've always had an eating disorder---overeating. All that pigging out I did today would have been completely normal for me. But I have a fast metabolism, so it hasnt caught up on me. Now it is finally starting to catch up since I am in my teen years. I really want to be a healthy eater. I dont want to overeat, become anorexic/belimic, or have heart problems when I'm an adult or any other health problems. I need to go ahead and stop going down this path before it is too late. How do I eat healthy without becoming obsessive, or having times when I pig out? Overeating has been a lifestyle for me, I know it's hard to change. I need help to change it. I have been having belimic thoughts lately. I need to get a life. Learn there is more to life than food. HELP ME! I am soo frustrated!

[This message has been edited by Iwsh (edited 06-26-2003).]





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