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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

My Story
Aug 5, 2003
About 3 years ago i decided i wanted to lose weight. I told my mum and she stopped buying sweets and chocolate etc, she thought we should all start eating healthy. I was doing really well i went down a size in clothes, i started doing a lot of exercise. Then about 6 months later i binged one night, and i felt so guilty and disgusted in myself i made myself sick. I didnt really think much of it, but then about a month later i did it again. I started to think whats the point in dieting when i can eat what i want then throw it back up. I started doing it about once a week, then a few times a week. It was so addictive, it was like i was getting a kick out of it. I was constantly thinking about food and most of all throwing it up. It didnt take long for it to take over, i was no longer in control of it, i was throwing up automatically sometimes, i couldnt keep it down. Sometimes i couldnt even make to the bathroom. I started to eat in my room, my mum caught me cleaning sick up twice when i hadnt made it to the bathroom. I told her i must have a stomach bug. But a couple of days later she asked if i was making myself sick. I was so shocked, i just said no im not that stupid. Thats when i realised i was bulimic. I couldnt stop thinking about how stupid id been and i was angry with myself for getting into such a mess. I decided i needed help. I told my mum, she was so upset, it broke her heart. She rang lots of help lines who gave her advice. I attended therapy. It has been such a struggle to get where i am today. I cant even remeber the last time i made myself sick, i think it was about a year ago. I still think about it all the time, i still get the urge to purge, but i manage to stay strong. I am currently engaged, i met my fiance about 2 months after i started 'on the road to recovery'. He has helped me so much, if it wasnt for him i dont know where id be today. All that and i only went down 1 more clothes size and i looked terrible, i was really pale and had bags under my eyes. So to anybody who has got an eating disorder, tell somebody, get help before its too late and you end up in hospital or worse. I hope everything works out for you all. Good luck!!!

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