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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Hi Everyone,

Four years ago, I was 16 years. I was 170 lbs, beautiful, not very physically active but felt good about myself....

Then I moved to Toronto....

And then I gain 70lbs in about 1 yrs.... And the ugly part about this is that i only gain the weight in the upper body: Yes ladies and gentlemen, I'm a big fat ball on a tooth stick.

I have no friends, I'm going crazy, I don't go out anymore, my youth is ruined because there is not one day that i somewhat enjoy myself. All eyes are on me, i feel ugly, i feel stupid, i hate myself and i am disgusting.

I tried to diet, but the frustrating thing is that i don't have the money to buy all those healthy foods or to follow a diet. I invested in a gym membership and I just don't go. I know i need to and it would be great for me, but I just can't get up and go.

I feel worthless, I have ABOSLUTELY, no willpower. All i have the willpower to do is to complain that i'm fat and to eat until i feel i'm gonna drop.

I eat and i eat and i eat and i can't stop.

And I want to lose weight! Who am I kidding!!!

I got my tongue pierced last year, because i knew that i wouldn't be eating. I didn't eat for a week because of the pain. I lost about 10 lbs. I gained 25 when I was able to eat again.

I don't know what to do anymore. When you don't have money, you're nothing. I can't put myself on a diet cuz i can't afford it, i can't buy pills cuz it's just too damn expensive, i can't put myself into any of those weight loss programs...Nothing.

Ya'll know that the best effective is Money. Look at Oprah, Missy, Carlie Wilson, Kelly Price.

Sure if i was able to hire a chef and a personal trainer to shake me up everyday and push me around I would look like J-Lo today. But that ain't the case, so i'm screwed.

Whoever said that money doesn't buy you hapines is a damn fool!!!

The second best diet is willpower, and i don't have that, so what's next. I can't deal wit this weight, i trid to accept myself and it lasted about 2 days until i looked at myself in the mirror.

Guess what guys and gals, i'm hungry and i gotta go eat myself to death again!!! I hate this ****. I must have been very bad in my previous because this is a curse and the worst punishment ever.


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