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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Advice please!!!!
Nov 19, 2006
Im not sure if i have an eating disorder or notwhich is why i wanted to speak to someone,if i explain my sistuation then you may be able to give me some advice.
I am 26 years old,i have one daughter who is 19months old,un fortuanetly i had a bit of a traumatic time during my pregnancy with her and i also split from my daughters father when i was four months pregant.
I have alsways been a very sporty person and always been obessed with what i eat and how much i exercise,ever since i was a little girl i have starved my self,or over eaten and then exercised like mad to burn it off.
I have been on countless diets,you name it ive done it,slim fast,atkins,weigth watchers,slimming world.
After i had my daughter instaed of concentrating on this beautfiu little bunddle of joy i was worried baout losing the baby weight and used slim fast from the week after she was born untill she was at least nine months old!!! I now of course feel incredibly guilty about this!!
My situation at presnt is,i am now in a wonderful relationship and...well very happy!!! BUT!!! i am in a vicious cycle that i can not break.
I am currently being treated for post natal deprtession and am taking Ciprimil.I have noticed the last month things have got really bad,my daily routine consists of,getting up withthe best of intentions to eat "healthy" today i start the day with a nice bowl of weetabix,then an hour later i raid the cupborads when i m not even hungry!!!! Yesterday i ate a whole packet of chocolate biscuits,crisps,toast,three double twixs,more biscuits,two yougurts and thats just the morning!!! I then am overwhelmed with this incredible guilt once again and feel sick to the pit of my stomach,i then will feel so gulity i will go to the gym for two hours and run until i feel ill!!!! I will then miss lunch and vow "not to eat much tomorrow" However this will not happen.
I am now thinking of embarking on the grapefruit and egg diet to loose weight.
I am not even oiver weight but HATE the way i look,im 5ft 2 and weigh 8st 7lbs but i dont want to weight that i think i will be happier a stone lighter,i look in the mirror and just see blubber!!!! Bulges hangingin over my jeans!! I exe4rcise nearly everyday i do enjoy exercise and as i said have also been active but now im worried im just doing it to "get skinny" and not becasue i enjoy it.I seem to have lost all perspective of food completely,i have binged today and now feel incredibly sick with myself!!! No one else knows of the way i feel and i feel stupid to tell anyone.I havent told the doc this yet,i dont know if im doing this becasue i need to change my med.I have asked for councilling but have to wait six months before i see anyone.
I odnt want to be like this i want to just eat healthy and exercise.I am to gutless to make myself sick but have often thought of doing this but i know deep dowun i can do this.I have used every fat burner you can think of,every diet pill and potion!!! Please could you offer me some help and advice.
I guess it doesnt help that i work ina health and fitness club,but fitness has always been my passion.
I weigh myself everyday with out fail,morning lunch and night and am always taking my bodyfat measurements.I feel constantly sick of my behaviour towards food and odnt want to pass this on to mydaughter.Please could someone give me some advice.


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