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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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belfastbob,

I dont have an eating disorder, so the others on this Board will be able to give you better advice regarding your girlfriend than I can.

But I have had experience with relationships, and one thing stands out in your post. You keep saying over and over that you will do anything to help her. Of course you don't want her to ruin her health or die. But ultimately it's her life and she gets to decide how she wants to live it (or not). The others here will let you know what you can tell her that MAY make a difference. I want to point out that if you push too hard at trying to get her to live her life in the way that you think she ought to live, then she has no choice but to push back -- maybe she feels that her anorexia is the only thing she has control of, because -- forgive me if I'm reading the wrong things into your post -- maybe she feels that you are TOO involved in her life.

At any rate, I'm probably way off base, but I've been in relationships where someone said that they loved me and then proceeded to try to define what my life should or should not be. I'm pretty stubborn. I rebeled in other ways and didn't go the way of anorexia. I hope that you are able to find some help for your friend, because anorexia is not a good way to live. But I caution you to examine your own need to "do whatever it takes".

Tell me to buzz off if I'm overstepping my bounds. I really do hope that your friend finds help.

--Rheanna





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