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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Hey - im so glad things are going well for you thats really great!...things arnt going so well for me, my heads all over the place again, im wanting to loose weight and its dropping slowly, im avoiding going out to avoid putting on weight, my moods are all over the place going from happy to nearly in tears for no reason! and my image i see in the mirror is going back to fun house again (seeing fat when im underweight my BMI is only [removed])...im freaking out and i think its mainly cos there is change going on again - my boyfriend is coming back from overseas in couple of weeks and im paranoid about what he will think of the way i look - (atm im about [removed] heavier than when he left) and its driving me nuts thats why im trying to loose weight because ive got many drinking/ eating events coming up and im terrified of putting on any weight as he'l hate what he see's (even i know its only me who hates what i see!) - im so disappointed in myself for letting this get to me again - im on work holidays for the next 2 weeks and so far its been three days of holidays and ive binged twice daily and purged and been to the gym 6 times in 3 days! today i feel sick like ive been hit by a truck - ive added up what ive actually eaten and kept down over the three days and it equals 3 weetbix 2 rice crackers and a kiwi fruit! i hate it, not having work to keep me out of the house and around people is just showing me how not ready i am for being left alone..ive cancelled every plan ive made so far this week so i could go to the gym and binge - how disgusted with myself do i feel right now!...i just hate it that my disorder relates to change any sort of change and i freak out and it reflects on my body and then i got binge crazy! i wish it would just stop - be easy not have to be this constant struggle just to be normal and think and feel normal - im sooooo jealous of people who eat normal healthy diets and i cant cos im now to scared to and i have full on panic attacks atm at the thought of anything more than a rice cracker! stupid stupid disorder why cant it just leave me alone...im sorry im just tired today this week has been very very hard :( il keep fighting cos thats what we do
[QUOTE=abbec;3068481]Hey - im so glad things are going well for you thats really great!...things arnt going so well for me, my heads all over the place again, im wanting to loose weight and its dropping slowly, im avoiding going out to avoid putting on weight, my moods are all over the place going from happy to nearly in tears for no reason! and my image i see in the mirror is going back to fun house again (seeing fat when im underweight my BMI is only [removed])...im freaking out and i think its mainly cos there is change going on again - my boyfriend is coming back from overseas in couple of weeks and im paranoid about what he will think of the way i look - (atm im about [removed] heavier than when he left) and its driving me nuts thats why im trying to loose weight because ive got many drinking/ eating events coming up and im terrified of putting on any weight as he'l hate what he see's (even i know its only me who hates what i see!) - im so disappointed in myself for letting this get to me again - im on work holidays for the next 2 weeks and so far its been three days of holidays and ive binged twice daily and purged and been to the gym 6 times in 3 days! today i feel sick like ive been hit by a truck - ive added up what ive actually eaten and kept down over the three days and it equals 3 weetbix 2 rice crackers and a kiwi fruit! i hate it, not having work to keep me out of the house and around people is just showing me how not ready i am for being left alone..ive cancelled every plan ive made so far this week so i could go to the gym and binge - how disgusted with myself do i feel right now!...i just hate it that my disorder relates to change any sort of change and i freak out and it reflects on my body and then i got binge crazy! i wish it would just stop - be easy not have to be this constant struggle just to be normal and think and feel normal - im sooooo jealous of people who eat normal healthy diets and i cant cos im now to scared to and i have full on panic attacks atm at the thought of anything more than a rice cracker! stupid stupid disorder why cant it just leave me alone...im sorry im just tired today this week has been very very hard :( il keep fighting cos thats what we do[/QUOTE]
Oh you are in a rough spot. I may complain about having to work full time, but it certainly keeps my binging in check. The weekends off are VERY hard for me. Last weekend I had a fit because I wanted to binge but my sweet boyfriend wouldn't let me and I was like a crack fiend going through withdrawal. My boyfriend said, "My gosh you are miserable". Then, after 4 hours, the desire to binge went away. If it wasn't for him, I would have gone deep. We really do need all the support and help we can get. I think you said it best at the end of your post, we keep fighting because that is what we do. Very good attitude. It is never too late to keep fighting. My boyfriend tells me all the time, "I dont care if you gain a ton of weight, I will still love you no matter what". He supports me NO MATTER WHAT. That is what you need to feel from your boyfriend. If you feel you have to lose weight for your boyfriend, you are at a dead end. That kind of thinking will just hinder you. You have to take care of yourself for YOU. If you dont love you, you cant love anyone else. Forget about trying to impress anyone. Do it for you. Find your center, find yourself, love yourself, except yourself as you are. Do what you can and stop stressing over what your boyfriend will think or anyone else. If your boyfriend doesn't except you the way you are, than he is not the one for you anyway. I hope things get better for you, I know they will.





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