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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

i hate the ED, it can be so strong and powerful and i hate how much control it has over me - it makes me mad and quiet upset because its MY body and MY mind and i should just be able to say no and it stop!...i have maintained my weight for a few weeks now its still low and underweight but my ED keeps telling me to loose more that being that one kg less will make me happier, sexier etc...i have been sick this week and not able to go to the gym i have actually lost another kg below my current "maintainance weight" that ive been challenged to stay at and now ED is showing me fat and flubber in the mirror and windows - its making me anxious and panicy about going out tonight as i know there will be food and drinking and more weight! i hate it that ED deprives me of the privledge to look forward to an event and not think about food and to find joy and excitement in the occassion without the days of panic attacks major anxiety and stress about what i can eat, if i eat something that i cant keep down will there be a way to purge, what should i wear to hide etc...i am a very positive, love life person so i cant stand these horrible thoughts and the stress the ED puts on me...i wish there was a way to just grab the ED and throw it out of my head, shut the door and never return - im sure we will get there one day, we just keep fighting cos thats what we do...anytime a friend is needed im happy to talk as i would love a friend to..take care

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