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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

CONGRATULATIONS!!! that is fantastic! i hope your having a wonderful holiday :) i havent replied as i was away on a school camp for my work..i didnt deal to well with it i took extra laxatives and purged each big meal, im very disappointed with myself but i guess its all reasons for binging are the same as yours esp cos i restrict i am so madly hungry for all the food i cant let myself normally enjoy i just go nuts, the other night i think it was habit cos thats what i do i sit up and wait for everyone to go to bed then i go nuts if i dont have that to focus on i dont know what to do with myself i get panic attacks etc its horrible...i caved and bought extra laxatives to take on camp and i felt so awful my tummy cant take them anymore so im throwing them out tonight and not going back doc is challenging me to try and eat one of my bad foods each day to force my ED to learn how to eat far ive been able to have a choc each night and im ok its just trying to learn to have one and not the whole bag..he also said get rid of my scales i havent done it yet but i think il ask mum to hide them from me and try it just for this week, ive gotta do what he said cos if i dont it means that im going to get shoved into rehab :( im hoping that i can pick myself up after this bad week and start fresh again this week and prove that im not beaten i really admire you for your courage in fighting this ED you are very strong!
Sqrrlgrrl, how'd your weekend go? Hoping all is well!

abbec, one of my biggest struggles, even when I went through a long stretch without my ED behavior, is knowing what it means to eat "normally".

I have developed so many bad eating habits that it has become very difficult for me to eat "normally". Journaling my food intake helps because I can see exactly what I'm eating and how much (I record my daily caloric and protein intake). Once I get a feel for where the gaps are I make a daily meal plan to follow while continuing to journal. I even measure my food out according to the caloric value. This helps me to feel in control without being out of control (an ED makes you feel in control while being out of control).

I've only journaled during pregnancy though. It really has to be important to you if you're going to stick to it. You have to want to do it or it becomes another tool to manipulate your body with (journaling has been triggering for me at times because I started feeling a sense of control and I would begin eating just enough calories to maintain my metabolism but not enough to maintain my weight:( ). I think the biggest reason I was able to stick with it was due to the accountability and support of my husband and midwife.

Anyway, just wanted to share. I'm struggling myself right now but am not at a point where I can journal (it'd be counterproductive). I'm at that place where I want to WANT recovery.

My heart goes out to you! You're doing beautifully though, recognizing what you're doing and wanting it to change is a big part of the battle (((hugs)))!

Love, Kelly

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