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I hear you loud and clear

The worst thing about the holidays is all the food. Even though I do pretty well at getting through it, I still get anxiety attacks when people try to shove food at me. I come from an old world Polish family where they just aren't happy unless all the food is gone ;p

Sometimes just walking in the door and smelling all that rich food makes me want to turn around and run away.

Even though I'm pretty much recovered, the ghost is still there in the back of my mind.

I get through it one party at a time, one luncheon at a time, one dinner at a time. I got so overwhelmed thinking about the whole holiday season at once that sometimes- when that happens I just stay home and avoid going to the relatives and friends' places for fear I'll end up overeating and that might kick my triggers in into high gear... and after having them pretty well under control for so long, I need to monitor my anxiety levels and see how I feel on that particular day. Sometimes I have to cancel rather than show up and know that the results of the outing will end up with my head in the toilet.

I'm not suggesting that you hibernate your way through the holiday season :)

I'm only suggesting that you break it down to one meal at a time and focus on getting through that one at that moment. And I know that at the holidays everyone seems to make the most unhealthy food, but I try to stick to things that are healthy and low-fat. That way I'm eating, people see me eating and I dont feel hung up on my weight. And when people shove greasy fattening stuff at me, I usually pass on it saying that my stomach isn't feeling so hot and I might have a bit of a bug...

hang in there and get through it one thing at a time :)



[QUOTE=abbec;3358670]so its 4 days until xmas and it begins...tommorow night is my xmas party im hosting lots of people drinking and way to much food pressure...the night after that i have family dinner...the day after that xmas eve i have lunch at my boyfriends house with his family then we are staying there for dinner and drinks aswell then ive been so kindly invited to stay the night with his family and have breakfast with them then its off for lunch at my families house then a family dinner..the day after that is boxing day bbq with my friends and all i can think about is how much weight im going to gain how many laxatives i know im going to uncontrolably consume when i can squeeze in the gym and how am i possibly going to handle the anxiety from all this food without purging...im terrified and so sad that i cant just go and enjoy the next few days...im not able to see my docter for another 2 weeks and havent already for 2 weeks and im meant to see him every week atm but due to my work stuffing up our pays im broke and cant afford to see him :( ...i recently watched a documentary on eating disorders and it terrified me almost all of those girls are still struggerling even after the were "recovered" leaving the rehab clinic they were in and you know what i watched it and i cried because all i could feel is pity for these girls while my head said thats not you - when to be honest im probably worse then some of them - instead of going wow wake up call i binged and purged :'(...im trying to live out of home for the third week now and im just tricking myself im not any better im just more sneaky...its so hard writing this because im having to be honest with myself its almost like a confession ive avoided writing on here and truth be im avoiding my docter, im losing weight again when im meant to be gaining and im just so disappointented and terrifed that this is how it will be forever, im so overwhelmed by this and how to get better...you know my new years resolution last year was that i will beat this that i am going to not let this new years arrive and still have ED hanging over me but here i am same weight as last year, same mind set ive gained a wonderful docter who is helping me and ive gained wonderful strategies but i just cant do them...im so mad at myself for not just looking at the next four days and being free from ED and enoying my loved ones :(...im still trying so hard but im so scared that i will die from this and for what being thin????...its so not worth it but i keep doing it everyday and im so scared that the fight that i have inside me will never be strong enough to win...i just want to live my life free from ED as im sure you all know in your own ED's i just want to know how?

please as depressing as this post is i needed to tell somebody what is going on and get somebody to hold my hand through this next few days as my anxiety is so high at this very moment im not sure how im going to manage

please know that im thinking of you all, that i wish you all the best and as much strength as you can manage over the next few days as it will be a struggle for all of us

i know this sounds silly after all of my rambling but please enjoy your families, partners and friends company over the next few days and try and share some of the love you have for them to yourself - love you and try and let xmas be remembered for the good times not an ED ridden holiday...il be fighting to do the same because im going to keep on fighting because thats what we do

love bec[/QUOTE]





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