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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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I need some help, and I feel very alone. I have been bulimic for almost 15 years. The last 4 years I have done well. I had two children and would only purge a couple times per year. It started to scare me that I would not be around for my children if I kept up my ED behavior. What I am struggling with now is.... I am binging often and have such a poor body image. I pretty much hate myself. I purged last night and I just HATE myself for doing that. However, I am having a hard time not binging. What a cycle. I feel so alone. No one knows about my behavior. I play the part of happy, attractive wife with the really cute kids. AAAHHHH!!! I want to just freak out. Is anyone out there like me?
[QUOTE=MissyB;3360091]I need some help, and I feel very alone. I have been bulimic for almost 15 years. The last 4 years I have done well. I had two children and would only purge a couple times per year. It started to scare me that I would not be around for my children if I kept up my ED behavior. What I am struggling with now is.... I am binging often and have such a poor body image. I pretty much hate myself. I purged last night and I just HATE myself for doing that. However, I am having a hard time not binging. What a cycle. I feel so alone. No one knows about my behavior. I play the part of happy, attractive wife with the really cute kids. AAAHHHH!!! I want to just freak out. Is anyone out there like me?[/QUOTE]

All respect to you for thinking of your children and putting them first, I admire you for that! That takes alot of strength with an ED as it can consume you so badly. I completely understand the trouble with bingeing and over-eating, it leaves you with the WORST feeling possible and you tell yourself everytime you won't do it again but then you give in and end up doing it all over again! It is a terrible cycle and I wish none of us had to deal with it. And dealing with it alone makes it soooo much more difficult. My heart goes out to you for battling so long with your ED. I spoke to a friend of mine for the first time today, I had never spoken to a friend about my ED til now, and it was a scary step but was worth it. He was so supportive and offered great advice. I hope you find support here that will help you with your battle against your ED. The advice I have been given which I thought was useful was to eat plenty of fruit and veg. rather than binge on silly foods, which I tend to do ALOT. Also find new (or old) hobbies to put focus and attention into and keep your focus off eating too much food. Set realistic, achievable goals to stop yourself feeling that bitter draining sense of failure, and take it in hours, rather than whole days or even weeks, which I personally do. Break it down and take it an hour at a time, no more, and you may find it easier. I know it's hard to battle the urge, but you can do it. How are finding the holiday season? Keep in touch, Ash xx





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