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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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I do the same thing this woman you describe. I push people away as soon as they start to suspect.

The more people persist, the more I push away. Then after awhile, they start inviting me to go out. They always, always, want to know why?

I can never bring myself to say that it is because of my fear of food. Instead, I blame it on everything else. I know that I am hurting others when I do this, but in my head, I am thinking that I am doing them a favor. I am pushing them away so that they don't have to sit and eat with a person who can't.

There is one thing. The more I am close to a person, the more I push them away because in the end, it's always the same. If you love me, then you will eat and try to get better for me. (This never works.)

It is so much easier to accept an invitation to go out with a stranger because there is no emotional attachment yet. I eat or pretend to eat, and if they suspect, I just call it off.

This is a very difficult situation because although her behavior might lead you to believe that she has an ED, that might not be the case.

Try asking her out to places that do not involve eating and that are active like bowling or taking a walk. The movies, is not good because there is always the fear that you might want her to share popcorn etc.(Don't comment on food and behaviors, these outings are just so that you get to know her better.)

In the meantime, do a search on the web for sites that deal with "loved one with an eating disorder." They can help you with the basics of what to say. I have been confronted many times and it just makes me either freeze up or just lie. So please give her time.

Good Luck

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