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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hi! SO i overeat, like really overeat. I eat when im happy, sad, bored, mad, whatever. I can eat more than my whole family at the table combined. I get full, but i keep eating like i will never be able to eat again. I have gone as far as made up lies to leave the house, drive to multiple fast food places scarf down food, throw away the bags, and come home like nothing ever happened. Its like im having an affair with food! When im cooking dinner I will eat while im cooking to make sure i have the biggest portion...whats wrong with me?! I can down a huge bag of chips while watching my fav tv show then act as if i dont know where the chips went, or make an excuse that there were ants in them or whatever and i threw them away. Its so lame to lie & hide then feel quitly, ashamed of this. I hate my body! I hate having to hide this horrible addiction i have. I have health problems like pcos/insulin resistance which makes everything even worse and i have gained 100lbs in the last few years. Everytime i get on the right track, i will move from eating obsession to weightloss obsession. If i dont loose x amount of weight i get depressed and find a way to sabotage myself and binge eat again. Right now im on the right track, but i hate that food controls me. I feel when im eating healthy that im a prisoner because i cant have that food at olive garden, or in and out burger. Then i get depressed thinking i have to be happy eating then guilty & fat, or miserable getting thinner. Ugh! I have never ever admitted any of this, not even to my therapist lol, i guess i just needed to get it out there somehow. I dont know why im like this :(

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