Thanks for writing. Yes I have been through 2 inpatient and one outpatient programs. For me, it didn't help because I was very much into it and my family made me do it. U have to be ready and willing to get better and then it can be done. To be honest with you I didn't truely go into recovery mode, until I found out I was 2 months pregnant and there was no way i could continue what i was doing. I wanted a healthy child and it was up to me. I made the choice to stop... I now have a healthy, smart 8yr old daughter :) BUT.... I am having b/p episodes and I hate it. I think I will always have a distorted body image of myself, but now that I am older I want to have a body and not just bones. When i am upset with myself or someone else I find myself in the frig then bathroom. My daughter is never home when I do this, she's in school. I don't want her to go through what i have been going through all my life. I like to read the posts others write and the responses made. It helps to know I am not alone, though I wish others didn't go thru this either. We are our own enemies. I realize now that I am going to be 40 in a few months, that my eating disorder consumed my life and I really didn't live during my teens to 30's. I isolated myself. It was me and my laxatives and purging...those are the memories I have of those days. I want to try to live the second part of my life "happy/content" and at peace with myself. Is it possible, I don't know yet but I am going to try so reading posts totally helps AND keeps me out of the frig and bathroom. I am trying. I know u are not in recovery yet but just look at how half my life slipped by me while I was binging and purging and it hasn't got me anywhere. I guess we are all here to support one another. I am here if u ever need to talk. I'm going to go sleep... that's another bad thing i do... sleep my life away.... but I'm working on getting better and "thinking" better. Thanks :)
