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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

I am both anorexic and bulimic and am, as a result, leading an absolutely miserable existence. Noone else knows -- not even my wife. This started in February and has not gotten any better. I used to be a very large and disgustingly fat man and have become, what appears to everyone, the picture of perfect health. I look like a male underwear model -- very muscular and fit with a six-pack. I achieved this over 2 years of killer hard work and dieting. It all went to hell in february when I went to a buffet one night and felt guilty about how much I had eaten. I had never induced vomiting in my life but did so and felt amazing afterwards. It was as if I had discovered a way to eat all the food I wanted and have it be zero calorie food. Now I have taken on this habit of eating like a bird for 3-4 days and then breaking down and eating amazing amounts of food, giving in to all my cravings in a several hour period and then purging by both vomiting and extreme exercise. I LOVE food and HATE the idea of losing my abdominal muscles.

Tonight, after 3 days of eating , I have consumed so much food and purged. Starting at 3 pm I began to eat. I .

I have eaten more in the past few hours than most eat in a week and I want more and more and more. When I feel full, i go upchuck it and start eating more n more n more. I don't know how to stop this. All I can think about is food -- how much i miss it when I'm not binging and how much I enjoy it while I am binging. I am ABSOLUTELY STARVING right now, despite all the intake. I have several packs of sushi and some chocolate chip cookies to put away now.

Is anyone else this obsessed with food?

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