My Issue(s)

I think I have a problem binging, but I’m not entirely sure… I feel so fat all the time, and I’m entirely ashamed when I eat even the smallest thing. I wish so bad I was anorexic, but I just can’t be. I try and try, and at a point I was doing pretty well. I do exercise a lot, but not enough. I hold off eating anything until I get home from school, but when I get there, I usually grab a snack and don’t stop there. I think I’ve shrunk my stomach or something, because I can survive easily on a single piece of bread and a cup of coffee, I have done this multiple times before. And when I try to eat a normal meal with my family, I feel like I’m about to explode. I hate it. I promise myself each morning that today, I will NOT take that first bite. Because I know if I do I won’t stop. So I can’t decide; what’s worse? Binging and just working it off, or eating as little as possible, and exercising on top of that? I need some advice, but “professional help” doesn’t help me, so that isn’t an option… I just don’t know how to regulate or balance my diet and exercise, so any tips you guys can give me will be much appreciated :)