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Hey guys,
Ok, what I'm going to post was originally written as a need to vent. I'd had a frustrating and hurtful conversation, so I wrote an essay to vent. After some encouragement from my friend, I agreed to post it on a health board in order to hopefully offer some comfort and support to anyone else who has ever been in my position. I apologise upfront for the angry tone, it isn't directed at anyone here, but was more an outlet for my own frustration at people's ignorance. These people weren't aware they were speaking to someone who has suffered from an ED, but the truth is I was infuriated by their belief that they knew all about it. When in truth only those of us who have been there, can know what it is like.

[QUOTE]After an argument in a chat the other day, I decided it was time to speak out for all us ED sufferers. Frankly, I have had enough of people trying to claim there is something ďmentallyĒ wrong with us. I have also had enough of people who have had a friend who was an ED sufferer, and so they believe they know all there is to know about the disorder. Same goes for people who have ďstudiedĒ it.
First of all, you canít study an ED, there is so much that people donít understand about it, and only those, like myself, who have suffered can know what suffering from an ED means.
Letís start with facts. I was Bulimic for seven years, I am now struggling to regain control of my life, step by step, day by day, I am making progress, but it is a hard journey to travel, and a very lonely one. Fortunately I have a very dear friend who offers me unconditional support and never judges me, not even when I slip up. It isnít easy, but I feel hopeful that, while I know the desire will never fully go away, I can regain control and keep it at just a desire without turning it into practice.
Letís move on to people who believe that a person who suffers from an ED, has a chemical imbalance in their brain, or something psychiatrically wrong with them. This is wrong and stems from the fact that people still cannot tell the difference between psychology and psychiatry. Let me educate you.
Psychiatry deals with the brain and anything that would involve a person being clinically ill.
Psychology deals with human emotion and ideas that we plant into our head.
With Psychiatric illnesses, the patient has no control over the feelings or thoughts that their brain sends throughout their body.
With Psychology, it is us who plant an idea into our own heads, where it festers and grows until it takes hold of us. We become obsessed with this idea, and so an addiction can start.
Now, it is stated that a person who suffers from an ED must have something clinically wrong with them. This is, to be perfectly honest, wrong. It is true that a person who suffers from a clinical illness, more specifically, a clinical depression, can be more prone to developing a psychological illness, not only an ED, but also a spending addiction, Alcoholism. Indeed a person who suffers from OCD is also more susceptible to developing a psychological illness.
Again, allow me to educate you. Not every depression is clinical, some are just simple bad days, or perhaps a depression that hits you emotionally, while your brain is still functioning normally.
Anyone can develop a psychological disorder, no matter how healthy they may seem, anyone can develop it. What would you say, for example, if I told you that a person who smokes, also suffers from a psychological disorder. Remember now, psychology deals with ideas that we plant into our own mind.
Now most people would say, thatís ridiculous, absolute rubbish, but is it? Think about it. People will claim a person who suffers from an ED must have something clinically wrong with them, they are deliberately harming their own bodies. Well, what do you suppose a smoker is doing? Smokers are no fools, they no the risks of pumping their bodies full of poison, just as a person who suffers from an ED knows they are not doing their body any good. So why do both do it?
There may be many different reasons why a person could develop an ED, the most common of which is weight loss. The desire to have the perfect weight and body. This desire is more prominent in people who suffer from Anorexia.
People who suffer from Bulimia, will also have a deeply seeded desire to be beautiful, but a lot of the time, they are also seeking to have control of something.
I will not go in depth here on people who suffer from Anorexia. I have never been Anorexic and while I know the path and desires are closely linked, I am more aware of what happens to people who suffer from Bulimia. So I will stick to that ED for this post.
Now, we must remember each case is different and can affect people in different ways, but the basic points are much the same. Can I just focus on those people who are not psychiatrically ill, but still develop psychological disorders?
Allow me to take you on a journey to my past. To when this all started for me. Please bear with me, this could take a while.
It all started when I was a young girl of thirteen. I was bullied at school and yes I was very sad at that period in my life. I was never diagnosed with clinical or manic depression for the simple reason, I never was clinically or manically depressed. But I was sad. I remember crying a lot that day. I reached for the fridge and ate so much I actually felt physically ill afterwards. So ill in fact I had to go throw up. I remember as soon as Iíd purged my body, I felt better. Not sick any more, and strangely satisfied that I had stopped myself from becoming ďfatĒ by keeping all that food in my body.
I never saw the danger signs. I wonít say that was when the disorder first started. It was controllable at first, in fact I didnít binge and purge for several months after that first occasion. But it wasnít to be my last time.
Gradually, as time passed, I started to associate binging and purging with feeling good about myself, and that was when I will say the disorder started to take hold of me. I had officially implanted this idea into my head that what I was doing, made me feel better. I had planted the idea into my head that I needed to stay at a certain weight in order to get noticed and be appreciated.
The road I had started on, never actually seemed to be as dark as it would turn out to be. I had become psychologically ill. The idea was in my head and I had become addicted to what I was doing.
This is what happens, and it is a road that many who start to travel will never register, until it is too late, how dangerous the path truly is that they have chosen.
Now letís deal with something else shall we?
As I mentioned before, people who smoke, also fall under the category of a psychological disorder. They NEED that cigarette, they are addicted. They believe that cigarette will help them stay free from stress and calm them down. This is an idea smokers implant into their heads, they canít get away from it, and while they are fully aware what they are doing is bad for their body, they canít stop.
A smoker who wants to quit, will often need help, they canít do it on there own. They will find they will ďquitĒ several times, always starting again at the slightest sign of stress, before they can quit for good.
It is the same with any psychological disorder, including an ED. Once a person has cognitively registered they are Bulimic, believe me, they will try to stop. They will stop binging, and without binging, wonít feel as strong a need to purge. But, while they have ďquitĒ, they havenít quit. At the first sign of whatever the trigger was for them, they will fall back into their routine. The thing inside them will rear its head once more and take hold of them. Frequently a sufferer canít quit without help, occasionally, they can, but it takes time, it takes understanding.
The first understanding they need is that there is nothing psychiatrically wrong with them. It is an idea they have planted in their minds, an idea that will never be fully eradicated but can be controlled.
What we must all start to understand is that a psychological illness, while sometimes linked or traced back to a psychiatric illness, is NOT in any way, the same as a psychiatric illness.
For people to understand more about EDís, they must step away from believing that an idea you plant in your head, is the same as a brain or chemical imbalance in the brain.
There is frequently nothing psychiatrically wrong with people who develop EDís, they are not genetically more prone to them either.
Studies have shown that while a child to a smoker or alcoholic, runs a greater risk of smoking or drinking, this is not because of genetics, but because this is what they know.
Studies have also shown enough children who will never smoke or touch alcohol as a result of what they have grown up with, to show why it is not genetic.
Ergo, a person who has suffered an ED, is not at risk of genetically passing this trait on to their child. AGAIN, it is a psychological disorder, an idea YOU plant in YOUR mind. Not a psychiatric illness.
So ends my post. To those of you who have travelled my path. My friends, we can get better, we can regain control. We can help each other and support each other.
No one, in this world can understand this path you travel better than one who has travelled it before you, or at the same time as you.
Stay safe my friends, and stay strong.[/QUOTE]

If I can help just one person on their path to recovery, I'll feel like I'm at least doing something right. Maybe even finding a way to use my own experiences to help others.
Hope this helps guys,
Sam





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