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[QUOTE=coprostaphobic;4641502]This is not my first recovery--in truth, this is a recovery from a relapse. When I was 14 I used to abuse laxatives, taking a whole bottle of whatever stimulant laxative I could find on the shelf. For nearly 3~4 years I was clean of them until last summer (2009).
At that time, I was recovered from my eating disorder, and incredibly health conscious. I have been a vegetarian since 15, thus always get a lot of fibre, and have always drank a lot of fluids. My bowel movements were also fairly regular. I didn't go everyday, but at least 2-3 days a week. Then in August, despite not changing anything and having absolutely no stress, my bowels stopped working. At first, I didn't panic and just thought that maybe I should drink more, or take in some cetera. This did nothing. A month passed and I had not had a bowel movement. I took 5 pills of colax, which didn't work at first, and I immediately went to the doctor. He gave me a load of medication which were effective for that time. The cycle unfortunately continued. At first it wasn't so bad, but after 3 months of dealing with it, I was sent for a colonoscopy.
To say that it was an awful and humiliating experience would be praising the procedure. Then, to top it all off, nothing was found and my symptoms were aggravated. Before the bloating that I had would simply be from the stool in my intestines, but now I would have horrible gas even after eating a small salad and even when I did not pass wind, I constantly smelled of sewage. My doctor just accused me of having an eating disorder (at this time it was not the case and he had not known my history), told me to gain weight and wouldn't look into it further.
[Note: I have also had a gastric emptying study, CMP and endoscopy, all of which have seemed normal.]
I came up with a remedy, however, but it plunged me back into food obsession. Basically, I would eat 3 bananas throughout the day, drink tea with only soy milk (no artificial sweeteners), a v8 and a vegan vegetable&bean soup. I also drank nearly nearly 4 bottles of water everyday. This worked for a month and I had a bowel movement everyday. Then one day it stopped and since I had become so accustomed to this ritual, I freaked out. I ate a bunch of sweets that were out for the picking in my school cafeteria and I was back to square one.
Nearly a month later I turned back to laxatives. I would use them on and off, mainly when I did have a lot of waste clogging up my intestines; however, [B]six months ago[/B], it became excessive and I have self-diagnosed myself with coprostasophobia (excuse my mistype for my username), the fear of constipation.

Now I can take up to 240 colax, depending on how aggravated I am. Even eating an apple or a salad throws me into panic, and I feel that I need the laxatives. The only times that I avoid this is if I don't eat anything, or simply eat small amounts of yogurt. Unfortunately, during my last attempt at recovery, even the latter became difficult, as it built up after 2 weeks and I just had a distended abdomen and no bowel movement.

So my question is [I][COLOR="Red"]how can I get over this?[/COLOR][/I]
I'm currently in a country in which going for therapy is not possible, as often it seems that they don't even recognize eating disorders and fasting is just the normal way to shed those extra pounds.
I'm afraid to eat now. I have promised myself that I will not take one more pill, but now I can only see myself fasting to avoid waste buildup.
[COLOR="red"][I]Are there any foods that I should eat to restore my bowel health aside from yogurt with active cultures?[/I][/COLOR]

Also, since I'm sure that this will come up, I do still drink a ton of fluids, and exercise on a daily basis. Where I currently live, it's not practical for me to have a car and I usually avoid taking the train due to the high price of the fares, so I either walk or bike miles just to go to school and to meet friends.

Thank you for reading. I honestly hope that something works and I can be free of this finally.[/QUOTE]

coprostaphobic, i recognize a lot about the being afraid of being unable to have a bowel movement, have been very very addicted to laxatives myself and the idea of ever not taking them - just the mere thought - would send me into a complete frenzy. yet here i am, off of them since late summer (look for my stories around the ed recovery board) the advice i would give you is; digestive enzymes!!!

Get them at a healthstore, from a good source, dont go for the cheap ones.

check back in here and let us know how you're doing! good luck to you xxx

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