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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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I am very sorry to hear that you are in such a situation.
I used to be bulimic/anorexic, so I will try to give you my advise.
First of all, you will not be able to "fix" her. An eating disorder is a form of an addiction, so you have to ask yourself if you want to stay with her and put up with all of the things you have been putting up with. It's the same as if you were dating a drug addict...are you able to stay and put up with it all? If your answer is "yes, I want to stay with her", then you will continue to put up with what you have been putting up with for years.
Your girlfriend is in the middle or the beginning of a terrible journey. A journey in which she is unable to "jump" or "snap" out of. It's as if she has entered into a tunnel, it has closed behind her and it goes on and on for thousands and thousands of miles. There is no exit point, no one can jump in and pull her out. She is on her own and she just has to go through it. A certain amount of mental or emotional pain has been put on her and, since she is unable to cope with it, her mind has subconscously shifted over to this addiction to put her focus elsewhere. There is no perfect remedy to shift her back.
Since you probably want to stay with her, I would suggest this. One day, when you're with her and you're ready, tell her this, "I believe that you still have an eating disorder. You can deny it all you want, but that is what I believe. I want you to know that if you still want me here, I'm here. If you want me to go, I will....but I will always care about you." Then, see what she says. If she wants you to go, then you will have to go. Sometimes, having people in your face about your disorder, only makes things worse. If she wants you to stay, tell her that you love her (if you do), you are there to listen and to help, and most of all, you are there to make her smile. So, although she is the only one who can advance her recovery, you can be there to keep things positive. Crack jokes, dance with her, watch funny movies, joke around. When things get too serious, don't get brought down with me, it only makes things worse - that's why she pushes you away. Keep things light. My parents knew something strange was going on with me, but I'm so glad they weren't in my face about it. Had they been, I would have been weirded out for the rest of my life about it. Tell her that s*it happens and you're always going to be there to make her smile.
I'm sorry that my advice probably sucks, but it's the truth. You probably think to tell her that she's perfect the way that she is, but it really has little to do with her look. It's so much deeper than that. Just stay positive, don't get down with her too often....and continue to have fun. It may not help her get better, but it sure won't help her get worse. If you're going to be around, flat out tell her that you're there if she ever wants to talk about anything...but that you yourself will not bring it up anymore...She HAS to be the first to bring it up. If you hear her puking, don't bring it up. Don't snoop. Just let it ride it's course. Maybe if you back off, she will talk to you about it.

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