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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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[QUOTE=seeker04;4728942]hey everyone! so, here's the thing. everytime when i feel like i have just eat waaay too much food, i purge. as far as i can remember, it first started at least about 1 year ago. well i have to say that at the first several months, i didnt do it regularly. it was only about 2 times a week, AT MOST. and there were also many weeks goes by without me purging any foods either.

[B]Yes, you definitely have an eating DISORDER. It is a disorder to do anything to get rid of food you feel you have overeaten, especially if there is any sense of guilt for eating too much. If guilt doesn't actually help you to stop a behavior, it is dysfunctional.
but then, since i went to college [u]about 8 months[/u] ago, since i live alone (not with my family anymore) my food intake gets kind of out of control sometimes. so i feel like i have to control my food intake even harder. [B]EATING DISORDER[/B]and since then, i have to admit that the purging gets more intense then it was before. [B]EATING DISORDER[/B]but when i said intense here, i dont mean that it is that bad if you know what i mean. i mean, [u]i get to choose when to throw up, and can tell myself to stop[/u]. [B]Definite eating disorder. [/B]

and i didnt even feel any bad effect on my body, nor any effect really, i didnt loose any weight at all. [B]The first bad effects are psychlogical; the physical ones come after so much psychological damage is done that it becomes extremely hard to undo.[/B] so the "purging session" were only some kind of redemption[B]--RED FLAG- this is an eating disorder kind of thought--f[/B]or me for the massive amount of food. and it didnt occur everyday. so by then, i dont think that i'm a bulimic. [B]What, you are going to wait until you are doing this every day before you admit that you have a problem? Will a person wait until she has gangrene before she admits she has an infection? [/B]

and then, [u]since about this february[/u], i started this diet where [u]i restricted the carbs and sugar intake into my body[/u]. and i also tried to be [u]as active as i can[/u]. i also [u]track my daily intake and outtake of calories[/u]. so i always planned my daily intake everyday. and it works! i lost about 3 pounds in 3 weeks. i have lost about 13 pounds in total. so [b]i feel like i have lived a very very healthy lifestyle. i feel really good about myself![/b] but here what i have to say, the purging has not really stop. [B]THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE CLASSIC BEGINNING OF A LONG-TIME EATING DISORDER! FEELING RIGHTEOUS BECAUSE OF EATING "LIKE A GOOD GIRL" [/B]like i said before, i always planned my food intake for the day, right? so by then, there were indeed several days when things dont go the way that i planned it to be, i ate more than what i planned. so everytime it happened, i tried to thrown up [u]ONLY the excessive foods[/u] that i ate, and that's all. soooo, the amount of food that i intend to thrown out is not as much as it was before. but i have to admit that this happens a lil bit more often than before. but still, less amount of "purgee". [B]IF YOU DON'T GET HELP AND STOP THIS, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN MORE AND MORE. IF YOU CAN ALREADY TOLERATE MAKING YOUR BODY VOMIT, YOU HAVE A DISORDER. VOMITING IS AN INTENSELY DIFFICULT REACTION AND IS MEANT TO BE. IT IS MEANT TO GET YOU TO AVOID ANYTHING THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR BODY DO IT. PLEASE GO AND GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE THIS ONLY BY YOURSELF. YOU NEED TO TURN YOUR HIGH EXPECTATIONS ONTO YOUR RECOVERY FROM THIS AND AWAY FROM TRYING TO HAVE THE PERFECT BODY. YOUR LIFE IS NOT MEANT TO REVOLVE AROUND THIS ISSUE. GET THIS HEALED AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU WERE MEANT TO WITHOUT IT.[/B]

like i said before, i feel that i have lived a very healthy life, i mean i ate vegetables, fruit, white meat, drink much water, never feel hungry, and as active as i can right? but then i realize, that[b] i have loss my menstruation period for about 2 months[/b]. and my parents and several of my friends (whom i rarely get the chance to hang out with these days) told me that i am too thin right now (oh, and btw, nobody knows that i'm on this "weightloss programme"). but that is sooo not true, i mean come on! my BMI is 22.7 , and i want it to be no more than 19! so i think, yeah well, they're my parents and buddies, so that's what they do, concerning about me. but i'm alright! really! [B]IT IS TRUE THAT YOU ARE NOT TOO THIN. BUT YOU ARE THIN ENOUGH. BESIDES, IF YOU SOLVE YOUR ISSUES OF ANXIETY OVER YOUR BODY, IT IS LIKELY YOU WILL LEARN TO HANDLE IT IN OTHER AREAS, TOO. YOUR EATING MAY CHANGE ON ITS OWN. AND YOU WILL LIKELY BE HAPPY WITH YOUR BODY THE WAY IT IS
so tell me, what do you think about it? [b]do you think that i'm having an eating disorder?[/b] cause i dont. hehe. well you could say i'm on denial [B]YES YOU ARE. [/B]right now, and i would understand that. but i dont think i am :p. cause i mean, i've been doing research on bulimia, and i know what it is and how it is. well MAYBE, just maybe, i kinda am, but i dont think that i am THAT bulimic, you know what i mean? [B]OH, SO IF SOMEONE HAS ONLY 3 CIGARETTES A DAY, SHE IS NOT A SMOKER?[/B] and also, sometimes i think that there's this possibility that when i say that i had taken too much food for the day, in "normal amount of food" it actually is not too much. but still, since it is [u]more than what i planned for the day[/u], for me that means that i had taken waaay too much food indeed. [B][I][U]EAT A MODERATE MEAL THREE TIMES A DAY. STOP WHEN YOU ARE JUST FULL. DON'T PLAN FOR LESS. IF BECAUSE OF YOUR CLASS SCHEDULE YOU HAVE TO GO MORE THAN 6 OR 7 HOURS BETWEEN MEALS, HAVE SOME MILK OR A VOLUME OF REAL FOOD THAT IS ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR FIST. WORK OUT NO MORE THAN SIX HOURS A WEEK UNLESS YOU ARE ON A COLLEGE TEAM. ACCEPT THE BODY THAT RESULTS FROM THAT. DEVELOP YOUR OTHER INTERESTS IN LIFE. THIS PROBLEM SOUNDS LIKE IT IS MASKING THAT YOU ARE UNSURE WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW, BUT IT IS NOT THIS. YOU HAVE A CONTRIBUTION TO MAKE. DEVELOP YOUR TALENTS STEP BY STEP, PURSUE OTHER GOALS, AND THE LIFE YOU ARE MEANT TO LEAD WILL EMERGE. [/U][/I][/B]

and [b]can you help me with this menstruation period[/b]? what do you think is the cause? [B][SIZE="4"]THIS IS SERIOUS AND IS A QUESTION FOR A DOCTOR.[/SIZE][/B]

oh, and one more thing, if you think that i'm on denial right now, please wake me up from it. [B]I HOPE I HAVE CONVINCED YOU[/B]i really hope that i could get the answer here. and i'd love to hear your stories too if you want to share anything :).

~ you can call me Joey[/QUOTE]

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