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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

i don't know if this is a weird question. I'm certainly not "Pro" anything but am just at a loss. I've been bulimic since I was 14-15.. I am 27 now.I had a good 3 year run of no binging and purging. Got up to what was considered a normal weight, and stayed that way for quite some time. During my normal weight period, my drinking got entirely out of control so for the last 5 months, I have been in recovery from alcohol. The problem is, once that demon was tackled, my restrictive behavior started up again, and soon followed the bulimia. I've lost about 1/4 of of total body weight in the last 3-4 months and would now be considered underweight for my height.
I suppose my problem is; I still am not satisfied with myself. I don't want to stop restricting, but at the same time, I need help controlling the bulimia, since I started back, I have lost two teeth, am constantly hungry, fatigued, fluttery chest, and have immense chest/heart pains any time I make myself purge. Is it normal to want to stop one but not the other? Is it even possible? I'm really at a loss for what to do-- i feel like I have no control. I have all of this junk food in my house to binge on but cant even hardly eat it since I can't chew on either side of my mouth until i see a dentist next week. I want to just throw it all out but then i feel guilty about the money I spent and not even eating it. I just don't know what to do *sigh* but I had to say something. I've told one or two friends, but they've never dealt with anything like this and just don't understand why I can't stop. Guess I just needed to blurt that out to someone who might understand. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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