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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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Beachlove 12,
Changing the thought process and altering thought patterns is what we need to help end these interalized negative and self-hatred thoughts. The CBT can do that, but it takes a while, needs to be prioritized and constitently worked on. But change can happen. OR, a stratety I have used was thinking about the person I want to be and the type of life I want to live with out the disorder and how would my thought patterns need to change to get there? Often at time we have the tools we need but we do not use them because we get lost and do not see motivation to use them anymore. I think that could honestly help alot.

As for the childhood experience situation, I honestly had the best childhood for the most part too. I still continue to have a wonderful family and they always have been wonderful. As a child though, teachers thought I was developmentally slow thought I needed extra help in reading and writing. I was put into an extra cirricular activity program to help my reading and weriting and I was always ashamed of it. I always hid this from friends and the fact that it was not "normal" made me feel even more stupid. I believe feeling stupid also made me feel ugly because I did not have any self confidence. So whenever I did anything wrong, it always stemmed back to me thinking "your stupid, your ugly, you can not do anything right, your less then average". At the same time, even though I was given extra help for so many years (until grade 6 or 7 i believe) I did get really good and reading and writing and I am an excellent reader and writer to this day, I never tried in anything else in school (junior high and beginning of high school mainly) because I thought, "well i am stupid, I might as well not try because i am just going to fail anyways". This continued its cycle for so many years, effecting my self-esteem- which I hid very well from friends and family as I never spoke about my problems, until I lost weight, felt success and accomplishment so heavily for the first time and then I just went overboard because losing weight fufilled all the pain and self hatred I always had.

It is really disheartening that you still feel dizzy, weak and light headed. I would say you need to eat more frequently. Even if you ate maybe half your breakfast and 3 quarters of it and saved some for lunch that would help your blood sugar. Have you been tested for diabetes or low blood sugar or anything? I am thinking that might be it. If you constitently have a low sugar i think you would feel that way all the time. Also, it could be because unfortunately, your metabolism is a little messed up and has a hard time recognizing you are putting food into your body. Are you still not excercising? I can honestly say that it feels so wonderful and freeing to escape from that feeling of weakness. Also, are you able to have natural periods right now?

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