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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Its not just you trust me! I am so confused about where I'm at now because I absolutely HATE my ED and the thought of a normal life again seems like bliss. But I just can't let go of the thought of not being 'as thin as I could be'. I also get really anxious about the fact that if I were to put on weight, people will assume I'm OK and I won't receive the help I need. I don't know whether others ever fear this too? I feel it is an important issue becuase no one seems interested to help you until its too late and you lose dangerous amounts of weight. I'm not as critically underweight as I have been but it is very difficult to see this as a positive thing. Its hard to do anything anymore especially school work becuase my ED controls my life and so I am thinking about it and food and weight etc 24/7!
I think however much you feel like it would be a good idea to lie at the time look at it in perspective and how much happier you'll be if you can get your life back to normal :) Good luck I hope everything goes well :)
[QUOTE=helives;4986616]Its not just you trust me! I am so confused about where I'm at now because I absolutely HATE my ED and the thought of a normal life again seems like bliss. But I just can't let go of the thought of not being 'as thin as I could be'. I also get really anxious about the fact that if I were to put on weight, people will assume I'm OK and I won't receive the help I need. I don't know whether others ever fear this too? I feel it is an important issue becuase no one seems interested to help you until its too late and you lose dangerous amounts of weight. I'm not as critically underweight as I have been but it is very difficult to see this as a positive thing. Its hard to do anything anymore especially school work becuase my ED controls my life and so I am thinking about it and food and weight etc 24/7!
I think however much you feel like it would be a good idea to lie at the time look at it in perspective and how much happier you'll be if you can get your life back to normal :) Good luck I hope everything goes well :)[/QUOTE]

@helives, you are describing EXACTLY what I am feeling! Sometimes I have these moments whereby I think 'yes I can do this. I am able to control this illness and I am able to eat whatever I want' and then a few minutes/hours later, my whole mental attitude has changed and I realise that I am powerless against anorexia.
And yes I understand your fear about putting on weight and then people not thinking you need help. I feel that especially during my therapy sessions - I feel so idiotic because I'm at a normal weight and I guess I don't 'look' anorexic, so I stress out that my psychologist and psychiatrist are thinking that I'm making it up or I'm making a big drama out of nothing.
Do you have any other similar experiences?





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