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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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OA and insight
Aug 29, 2012
Just some questions regards OA, my ex girlfriend has binge eating disorder. We have a very good relationship and I have supported her while we were together in relation to trying to get over her disorder. I had no idea about binge eating until when she told me about it, I looked into it. I insisted she went to therapy and have just been there for her and supported all her plans to get over her disorder. She has been going to OA over the last 5 years with up until this point limited success. i was with her tow years. She has very black and white thinking and is drawn to the extreme to help her solve her eating issues. Example therapy works for others not for her she needs something more drastic than talking about it. also Cut out people, places and things from her life and it will solve her problem.

On the cover and from what I can see OA and the way you should live life is great, be good to one another, support each other, spiritual etc, and I think we could all get something from it. Currently she seem to be getting success with and has been abstaining for 2 mnths.

But recently on advice from her sponsor she believed we should break up so she can focus on herself and her recovery. When she has called me she has said that we probably shouldnít be talking as her sponsor says she is regressing by doing so. Obviously stuff like this I find a bit alarming. Before anything is said im am and have been completely supportive of her recovery and it was me who told her go back to OA as if it works for others why not her and as I mentioned therapy. She has immersed herself in OA the people and the culture. Now if it helps her get over her problems than who am I to argue, she is the one who lives with this everyday and the addiction is hell for her. Before she got the current abstinence she talked about how everyone is supportive when you are not bingeing but then when if you binge they distance themselves from you. She also talked a bit how it sometimes feels cult like to her and one or two of the friends she has made there. She is now talking about her sense and higher power, which she never had before. How anytime that she wants to contact me that, that is her trying to enforce her will on the situation rather than doing the right thing which is not to contact me? Also she has contacted me after a binge and said she gave herself a free pass as she had all ready binged?? I kind of feel why am I now associated with a binge and your binges that you all ready messed up so calling wonít make a difference as she already messed up??!! why am i being asscoiated with her enforcing her will. Im finding some of this a bit disturbing, maybe im not enlightened enough to get it or maybe im seeing stuff that is not there. It seems to be working for her the last few mnths so I should just let her at it.

She is talking about us getting back together when she sorts herself out and also talking about this will all help us in the long run (which if she does get her issue cleared up of course it would) but what do they do in OA if you are married? What happens if there are children involved. It seem to be that she is following a sponsors advice who has a certain view, it seems that all the girls she now hangs out with in OA are single and according to her there focus is on their Higher Power, so now she is oding that. Its all very black and white thinking which I would have thought she would be trying to get away from, but instead OA seems to be reinforcing it.

Anyway I guess my question is, is the above normal? I know they say no relationships for the first year, but she was all ready in one. But also the sponsor advising her on things like this. I donít know has anyone else had experience of this.

Donít get me wrong, I donít contact her, Iím leaving her at it as this is her wish. she needs to get over this and this si what she belive swill do it so iam letting her do just that. Never the less it does worry me. I am letting go of the relationship as Iím respecting her wishes and what she believes will help her. At the end of the day right now I hope we do get back together but Iím just thinking to myself this is all a bit nuts how extreme it all is!! surley she should be trying to get over it while living a normal life, that being still having same friends, boyfriend and not having to cut things from her life.

In my head i have a cutoff point at which point Iím writing the whole thing off. But honestly I have all ready started writing it off right now as it really is not doing me any good.

Anyway just curious if anyone else out there has had similar experiences. Or alternately can shed some light from an OA perspective what is going on.

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