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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

Eating Disorder Recovery Board Index

Hi all, im brand new to this site , i have been reading it for a while but never posted, i guess i need some insight now.
Im sure im developing an ED and no one seems to help.
I love food, and never had issues with it until recently, im 22 years old , 5'5 and weight about 105, i used to eat a lot and never weighed more than 115.
Anyway, my family is from libanum so food is a huge thing for us, seems like everything revolves around food and everyone eats a ton, my whole family is slim ( including me) and they really do eat a lot.
So i grew up around food and always eating and feeling confortable about it, but about 2 years ago i had a surgery that left me with a horrible pain everytime i eat, so i went from eating a ton to barely eating just pureed vegetables andjuice, because anything else hurts a lot, i aldo have paralisis of the stomach and dumping syndrome andmy diet is very restrictive( dr orders) the thing is, now i find myself obsessing over food, its horrible to watch everyone eat and not being able to, so now food its all i think about, im depressed because i literary cant eat, and thats all i think about, its so bad i even plan weekly binges where i literary stuff myself sick because i know i willfeel bad anyway evenif i just have a small portion so i rather eat everything once a week and suffer for a day( i dont purge, never have an im actually phisically unable to because of the surgery) but i haye living like this, obsessing so much about foo and planning binges, why cant i just be ok with not being able to eat, i just wish i wouldnt mind but its really horrible to watch everyone eating all this food, but i dont lnow what to do, i dont want to keep thinking about food all the time.
Sorry for the long post and bad english i justneeded to vent and ask for advice,

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