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Sexual Health - Women Message Board

Sexual Health - Women Board Index

I really need some advice here. My bf and I are both in our early thirties. We were falling in love and and discussing marriage but recently hit a stumbling block that is ruining our relationship. For the first time ever, I have met a guy who not only complains about lack of sensation but outright refuses to wear a condom. We have had sex mostly with condoms and only a few times without a condoms (in a month) but every time we are about to have sex we get into an argument about it. He does it but complains about it. He says he can't feel anything and that he can't perform well. He also says it's not enjoyable at all for him and that if we have to use condoms we will rarely have sex and he'll just masterbate. It's hard for me to believe it's that bad--it's not as great for me either as without a condom so I really feel he is being selfish here. My main concern is pregnancy as we have already gone for STD testing. I explained to him that I'm at a great point in my life and I don't want to even take the chance of getting pregnant now. I am getting on the Pill just for him (since it adversely affects my mood) but I still would prefer condoms as a backup until we are at least engaged and preferably married. It's because my period was just late and I had a scare--I was a nervous wreck and explained to him that I don't want to be that way every month. He also doesn't seem to understand that it's less enjoyable for me without a condom because of the stress!

He tells me he will never see eye to eye. I would like to not use condoms AFTER we are married but he claims he knows how not to get me pregnant (withdrawal) and has never gotten a gf pregnant before. So I really don't know what to do. I feel if he really loved me and was planning on marrying me he could compromise for this short period of our lives. To me, he seems really selfish and immature. He does say he doesn't want a child now but would take responsibility if something happened and marry me. That's just not how I see my future and I want to do things the right way.

What other alternatives are there? I looked into the female condom but that sounds hard to insert and he would probably complain about that. I looked into new condoms that have a bigger ring at the end (since he complains about tightness there--he is large). He even considered Viagra but it seems ridiculous at his age and I am worried about his health. What about other ways to make him enjoy sex more? I think he should maybe see his doctor since he is not that sensitive down there.

We even talked about possibly breaking up over this--I initiated that conversation only because I am wondering about his feelings now. Does this guy really love me????? No one has ever complained so much about the condom thing to me before.

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