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Grief & Loss Message Board

Grief & Loss Board Index

She got home last night and we told her. There was no perfect time to do it, so when there was a pause in the action, our housemate started off with, "I think you should sit down, so we can talk about something." Then I just told her.
My partner has a very big heart and her emotions go deep. She wanted to see her cat, so we took her to the back yard, where we had put Seamus in a box in the tiny shed under the porch. Seeing Seamus made the death real for her and allowed her to say goodbye. At that point there were too many people in the back yard with her. She didn't want to be touched or comforted by anyone. Everybody left to go back in the house. I stayed and sat quietly on the porch in case she needed anything. I also needed to witness her sadness in some way. Empathy is very strong between us. She cried out there for what seemed like an hour, just letting it all out, wailing and murmuring for her kitty. It makes me tear up right now just to talk about it.
She got up this morning to go to a new job, art camp for kids, thank goodness. Hopefully, this will be something positive for her to focus on.
My only mistake was having too many people around. I invited one of her best friends over, who was only too happy to give her support. But hell, this wasn't a wake or anything like that. There were already too many in the house with my dad visiting.
I'd sum it up by saying give them enough space and just be available. The only person she needed there last night was me, her significant other. I guess I felt like I needed a couple people as backup in case I couldn't say the words or just some sense of community.
The loss of close pets is both similar and different from the loss of family or friends. The emotional impact can be just as big. Pets are like our children. The feelings they connect to inside us, how they help us through difficult times. But we expect to outlive children. But how many pets do we have to outlive in our lives? And it never seems to get easier. And it doesn't matter how they go, but the more sudden, the bigger the "hit" all at once. Just like when a relative or human friend dies.
I hope and pray this is the extent of our bad news for a while. I hope her mother hangs in there for a few more good months of life at least. Her health and healthcare has been such a struggle.
My own mother passed away in 2006. By the time we knew it was the end, we had about month of hospice to spend time with her and make our personal goodbyes. I hope we can give similar comfort to my partner's mother.
In my experience multiple losses can start to feel impossible. You don't even know what it is you are mourning most of the time. You find you're endlessly just mourning for yourself and it seems like it can't come to an end. That's about the time I went to a support group for grief. I can't recommend it enough.
Okay, I'm clearly rambling. We are all in a community of grieving. We all know someone who has lost someone or something recently. If we are given the honor, then we share in that grief and our love and bonds grow with it.
My belief is that Suffering is a gift. It shows us the depths of ourselves, it deepens our ability to feel. When we deal with it, instead of running away, we gain a greater capacity to love and to help others.
Peace be with you
God bless

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