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Grief & Loss Message Board

Grief & Loss Board Index

I am 18 now, and my mother died when I was 5 years old. It was two days after christmas and I lay in bed with her while she died. At the time, I thought she was acting strange when she died, she was yelling and throwing her arms about, as young as I was, I didn't know what was going on and I was scared for myself rather than her. I went into my brother's bedroom and fell asleep beside his bed on the floor. When he woke up, he had asked me why I was in his room I had told him and he got up and went into our mom's room. He went over to a body for a minute and looked over to me and said "mom's dead, shes dead.". Now I know death of a loved one, espically at a young age can cause many problems mentally. Alot of them have come and gone for me, but recently, another has come up. I don't really know where to start, so i'll try and hope you pick up. I guess you could start with my girlfriend, we are approaching our one year anniversary. Recently, everytime i say "bye" or "goodnight" or anything that involves leaving or getting off the phone or whatnot, I always fear it's the last. I guess you could say I feel this way because i have already lost one very important person, and am simply scared to lose another. Also, I see what it has done to my father, that loved my mother very very much. They were the type of couple that people might say looked genuinely happy, and you could just tell they were so truly in love. And when I see what this has done to him I cannot fathom how it would make me feel If I lost someone else I love, espically someone I love just as much as my mother. And BTW, I have know my girlfriend for about five years, but we have just started dating about a year ago, this is not to be confused with puppy love or anything like that.

Conclusively, I say that the easiest way of describing a problem I need help with is the paranoia I feel of losing someone that I honestly love, just as my father did my mother. It's something I think about alot of the time i'm not with her. can anyone help me to get over this feeling? I feel like I have conquered in accepting my mother's death, but I never expected it to bring forth anything like this. Thank you very much for your help in advance.

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