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Grief & Loss Message Board

Grief & Loss Board Index

My cousin and his wife just lost thier baby son(8 months old) hes been very sick since he was born he had cardiac defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS), and a muscular disorder, Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) at birth. He is apparently the only documented case of a person having both conditions simultaneously.He was doing well enough he came home just around xmas and was doing good but this morning at 2 am his mom wake him to feed him and he ate and was looking around acted fine but at 4 am she went back to check on him and couldnt wake him up. My ? is whats the right thing to say to some1 that has been through so much. I want to comfort them and not sound cold by saying something wrong,i know ive heard alot of ppl say they hate it when ppl say time will make it better and things like that
so whats the right thing to say to them?thanks karen
There really isn't a nice thing to say and there is not something in particular that they want to hear. When I lost my daughter, I didn't care what anyone had to say. I felt like noone knew what I felt and for some reason, it made me bitter. I wanted them to hurt just as bad as I did.
Let them know you are there for them. I isolated myself from everyone for awhile. At first, I thought I would want to be surrounded by people..but I didn't.

I had someone tell me.. "God needed her" and that made me feel so ill towards him.
I also heard "maybe something bad was going to happen to her later, so God took her earlier."
Why is God so vengeful, was my question?
It's been 4+ yrs since my little one passed on, and she was 5 mos old when this happened.

Your cousin and his wife are experiencing sooo much right now.
They may never be who you once knew.
They may distance themselves from everyone..
Unless you've lost a child, you'll never know how hard it is.
Even dealing with it years later, is a task..

They'll appreciate you no matter what you do..
Just listen and when they are ready to open up to you, they will..

My prayers go out to them and if I can be of any help, please let me know.

If you buy a handprinting kit, take it to the funeral director and they will make an imprint of the babys hands.
(same thing with a baby book)

At her funeral I was wearing an "angel on my shoulder" pin and so was my daughter.After the ceremony we exchanged pins. I have her pin and she has mine.It was my own way of "holding on to her".

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