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Grief & Loss Message Board


Grief & Loss Board Index


I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through this as well... it does happen way to often.

Myself, my mother got sick in around July last year. People as soon as they found out started to keep their distance, most of these people were like children to my mother, and she had helped them in so many ways.

After her funeral which was in November 07, No one contacted me whatsoever... I have two children who are now bitter towards the world too because of how much they adored their nan and how much they saw her help these people too.

Not only did I get no one calling or anything ... I also got horrid comments and people ending the friendship. I knew that they had only hung around for 20 odd years for what they needed out of my mother.

I have also heard the words that they find it hard to deal with and that they might not know what to say, and to be honest that is a load of crock. Tables turned I know I would be there no matter how hard it is. Its a lame excuse that is all it is.

I am now a very bitter person, and have no time for anyone really, I have lost faith in people in general. My mother was my best friend and the only honest person I have ever known. she would be turning in her grave if she heard the words some of these people have said to me since she passed.

There is no excuse to treat anyone badly, and when someone turns around and puts you down over the funeral or anything related to your loved one, that is just sick. That is what happened to me and mine.

I truly think there are few understanding people out there. I have really found the only people who do have understanding are those who have been there. What is sad is they have experienced this too. What has this world come to.:(
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I probably wouldn't have known what to say to you because there is nothing I could say that would make you feel better. I had a friend who lost her brother, he was helping someone with a flat tire and another car hit him. The only thing I told her was that if she needed someone to listen and a shoulder I would be there for her. She did take me up on my offer.
What I want you to know is that you are not alone with not understanding why people behave the way they do. I had emergency open heart surgery in January. I had a tumor the size of a plum in my heart and could have died at any time. I am married 17 years and have two children 12 & 14. We have not seen or heard from my mother-in-law, brother and sister-in-laws, nieces and nephews since Christmas. They live 5 minutes away. My mother-in-law has not even called to see how her son and grandchildren are doing. Not to mention that my son, her grandson went in for surgery two days after I went in. I have been there for them when they needed me. My sister-in-law had breast cancer and needed help I was there, My mother-in-law had surgery I was there at the hospital, brought flowers, books etc.
I even had a neighbor tell me that my sister-in-law has been giving him regular updates on my condition which is amazing since I haven't see or spoken to her, nor has my husband. This is suppose to be OUR FAMILY! Pretending to be such a loving family to everyone. How would they behave if I had died? Would they treat my children and husband with the same indifference? I am really hurt and going to have a really hard time getting over this. I don't know if I ever will.
P.S.That friend that I mentioned above, she cooked meals for us and has checked in with me to see how we are doing. And I am very grateful.





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