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Re: Feeling lost
Jun 27, 2006
Your story is very similar to mine. My son had been living with his Dad, he was 20. To make a long story short, that family is very dysfunctional, they had worked on his head to the point that he didn't reachout to me as his mother. I had been the one he always turned to. He had been to the DR and they said he had a shoulder injury. It didn;t get better. He didn't have anyone to advocate for him of course. They just ignored it. He didn't have a shoulder injury, he had leukemia. He died in front of my dtr, at home. No pain meds, nothing. He was at the DR 2 weeks before that. What angers me is that I would not have let that go and I wouold have been suspicious of his symptoms. It just kills me that he died the way he did. His Dad and new wife continue to be horrible. They put the stone up for him w/o my name on it, just his Dad's name.
Re: Feeling lost
Jul 3, 2006

I know. Your story IS eerily similar. I can't remember if I told you this, but several weeks ago, someone went ot the cemetary and took the stone that I had put out there for him. These people need drama so badly that they have to reach out at me, out of the blue. That stone had been there for 2 years. I accused my dtr, becaue they have her sucked in, but i think it may have been stepMom, evil, just pure evil. I understand what you mean. Me and my son were robbed as well. I can't get over that part of it that he died such a horrible death, w.o pain meds and virtually alone. A mother knows her child like noone else. I would have known he was ill and I would have done something about it. Even if i coudn't save him, he wouldnt have suffered the way he did and my dtr wouldnt have had to witness it. I would have been there to comfort him and hold him. His Dad tells people that this was all out of the blue and that he was fine. he does that to make himself feel better. How could anyone who has cancer in every part of their body be fine? He had 10 boxes of tylenol under the sear in his car. 10! This all happened because of their hatred, jealousy and manipulative behavior. They never really wanted the kids to live with them out there, what they wanted was no child support and they wanted them because I wanted them. (They do this with objects too. They won't give his brothers the childhood things that have left at the family place, where they live. where are these things? Broken down and sitting on the weeds.) my son trusted them and they let him down. Once the kids moved out there, they treated em like ***. They paid no attention to them. The kids were calling me totake them to the Dr because he wouldnt. Get this: She was such a fantastic mother, that she moved out on her own kids and moved in with him and my kids. Did i mention that ther kids were 11 and 13 and living alone?? These 2 had worked on the kids so much that they didnt see me as their Mom. When he was sick, the kids didnt call me. Grandma knew he was sick months before that as he was tired all the time. She "didn't know who to tell". Had she not been so hateful toward me she would have told me. The night before he passed, he was throwing up buckets of black tar!! Where were they? why in bed of course. The kids trusted them. I had told my son not to trust them that i knew that they would not be there for him when he needed it. I knew that he was going to die out there. I said it many times. I tried to keep him from going there to live because of that. long story, we had a gaurdian litem involved. She had,at the last moment. said that she thought that the kids should live there. This was totally unexpected. I know why she said it, but that is another story. He was asked directly, in court, before he was given custody, if he took the kids to the Dr.. He said he didnt' He didnt hide it!! After Dan passed, I wrote to the gaurdian . I told her what happened to him and how it happened. I blamed her. I had been screaming for years and trying to get someone to listen that he was not competent to take care of them. my son paid the ultimate price for trusting them. Their behavior sounds so much like the behavior that you describe. They told me that he had told them that the didnt want my name on his stone and that the had a will. RIGHT. They use him to justify their behavior, still!. That is not love. They continue to use thim and they just wont let him have peace.The kid was 20 yrs old. Come on.. a will?? I think that those people that you speak of are jealous of your close relationship with your dtr. They are using those kids. How sick! How can you fight if you don't have resoources? I'm too tired to fight. When they threw that stone, they were trying to create drama and trauma. The kids are all grown now, so they have been at each others throats. They have to reach out to create this drama. When I realized that they threw the stone, I was devastated. BUT: during thsoe days, I let go of alot of the grieF I have been holding inside. I felt so much better after that. I also came ot realize that no matter how hard they try, they cannot seperate me from him. Stone or no stone. These evil people cannot seperate you from your dtr. Not ever. My Mom once told me that the marriage of those 2 people would never last because you cannot do things like that and have it work. There is one consoling factor and that is that I did not perpetrate this evil, nor did you. I could not live with that on my conscience. i believe that all, good or bad, is repayed in time. My Ex is heading for a huge fall with his wife. She will clean him out and he will be in the lowest spot that the has ever been. he has no friends anymore nor family, as they have, or she and he has allowed it, driven them away by their paranoia and greed and her control. She is an abuser. She has him isolated. I think they are mentally ill, no joke. I thnk they have a personlity disorder. They do these things to me because i don't have anyone to support me or stick up for me, so I'm a target. They hit me where it hurts and that is with the kids. Theylove my kids so much, that none of them have keys to the house. They change the locks every 3 months. when my kids are there, outside, she locks the doors. It makes me feel crazy to be involved in this drama. My friend does no understand. She says I can't blame his Dad for his having cancer and that he would have died anyway. Anytime you are still breathing there is hope. I don't blame him for the cancer, but when they messed with his head, and for waht? They didnt really want him out there.. they denied him the support of the one person that would have and had always, given it to him. They deprived him of a peaceful comfortable passing. i know that you understand this, not alot of people can understand this anguish.. knowing that your child suffered alone, needlessly. Do you have an e-mail address?

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Re: Feeling lost
Jul 5, 2006
[I][FONT="Book Antiqua"][/FONT][/I]I understand what you are saying about leaving ourselves open for them to come through. I usually can feel this kind of thing and have no problem with it. But when it comes to my daughter it is completely different. I don't know why but I think maybe a couple of people are right when they said part of it is because we are both so stubborn and neither one of us wants to be the first to let go, And she knows that I am not ready to let go yet, I just don't know how to do that. I never once had thought that I would have to live my life without her completely. I knew she would grow up, leave home, marry and have children. But I know that that isn't leaving my life. That would have been starting her own. But this was not a scenerio that I have ever contemplated. You said something that sent chills up my back and brought tears to my eyes. I am already having a not so great fireworks day. I got a phone call from them while i was at the store and he said that they had just left the cemetary and that there was some partying paraphanelia left up there and how disrespedtful that is to her and the cemetary, And that these people are trash but he thinks every one is trash but him. He said that being it is his property he is going to go talk to the guy who works at the cemetary to stop people from being able to go in there. You see he don'tated the plot that is next to his wife who was killed in a car accident 14 years ago. And half of the town thinks he caused the accident by bumping her car. They were on the free way coming back from a custody hearing and the boy just happened to be in the car with him. I let him give my daughter the plot because I considered it an honor that kim be laid next to her. They are kindred spirits because she was only 22 and she was trying to get away from them. I think my little girl was trying to get out as well. Anyway, he said on my machine that because it is his property he will make sure that it is handled and this is why she should not have been buried here. She should have been buried with her kids. I think If I hadn't found out that she had died they were going to take her about 150 miles from here without anyone knowing it. because they say all her family and old friends are nothing but traxh. So, knowing that he is in town with the kids and he had to drive right past myt house to get to the cematary and I called him and left a message on his phone that since he is in town I wondered if I can see the boys. I told him that regarless of what he thinks or feels about me I am still a mother and I miss my daughter and that they have a couple of things to hold on to when they are missing her and I have nothing. I know that she is always in my heart but there are times that i need to connect with her more and I would just like to see the babies and hold them and kiss them and tell them how much I love them. I told hm that even if he thinks I am trash or subhuman, I am still a mother and I miss her. Even an alligator mourns and grieves their offspring when they are eaten by another animal and taken from them. I said beside that I don't know what it is that you think I could or would ever do to harn those kids but what could I do with you standing right there and watching me hug them. And the sob has ignored my call. Anyway, what I was telling you about the phone thing with your dtr. The week that my dtr passed away, I received 5 of the strangest calls I had ever gotten. two days after she passed my cell phone rang and I had just decided to bring her home and bury her here and not let them do it. And I was just losing my mind because every one was fightng and causing me so much drama that i thought I would blow up. And I looked at my phone when it rang and it said anonymous and I answered it saying hello, nothing, Hello, and then I hear what sounded like a child's or little girl's voice far off in a distance and I couldn't understand what she was saying. But I said hello again and them the call disconnected. That happened about 4 more times before we laid her to rest. Isn't that eerie? And to answer your question, I used to watch hon edwards but I am very into sylvia brown on montel williams every wednesday. I would love to speak to her so that I would know what my child wants me to do. But I went online to locate her and she want $750.00 for one phone session. I really believe her. I have only seen her wrong once. And that I believe will come to happen evenually., I think she just got the dates and years confused. Anyway, I have to go and file this paper with the courts tomarrow so that it is enforcable. And I just hope they arent going to try to place him into protective custody until they can figure it all out and because of all of the things he has already gone and said and tried to make people believe about me and his family is an old family from here and have connectiong and people in their hip pocket and money. And with that I can't win. But I think I have evey thing covered. I have a letter from my daughter from a couple years ago and the letter form dad and a coupld of character references, And I do have a legal right to the boy and they don't so I hope that it will go well. I go tomarrow to file the papers and hopefully since he doesnt have a legal standing , they will let me see a judge right then and he will sign the order. We will see what happens. Thank you for the luck and the boost of faith. My faith is by the way side these days. But if this works out then I think I can start to heal and then get on with the rest of the stuff. I will let you know. :wave:
Re: Feeling lost
Jul 13, 2006

I think is pretty black and white insome sense, although itmay not seem that way because they are trying to muddy the waters. Dad has the right to make the decisions for these kids. He put them there I take it, when he went to jail? He can remove them from there. I think the court is pretty clear on that. I think that the only reason you are going to need to go to court is to sign papers allowing you to be gaurdian.. or becaue they make a stink. They can't just keep somebody elses kids if that person doesnt want them there. This guy likes to taunt you with these kids. The worst thing is that he is using the kids do it. That doesnt sound like a healthy environment for kds or like they are with someone who has their best interest inmind.. I'm tellin yu, this guy sounds so much like my x and his new new wife, mostly like her.. he just follows along lie a stray dog.. she never really had a Mom and she wasn't the greatest Mom to her own kids, I mean we are talkin about a woman who moved out on her 13 and 15 yr old kids and left them to live on their onw so she could move in with my x and our kids and aggrevate the hell out of all of us with her control and jealousy issues.. mother of the year she was not. They are always lookin for drama and need to create trouble to get it... they love to provoke, especially me. They show up in all kinds of places that they shouldnt.. my parent 50th.. my Mom's assisted living place as she lay dying..lhe and I got along much better before she came into the picture. She is evil and I'm serious she is an evil person. One time, I think this was after the funeral at some point.. my yongest son, who does not belong to that X, was standing there with me.. she came up behind him and put her arms 0ver his shoulders and cross her hands in front of him.. like she was going to get him away from me like she tried to do with the others..just to taunt me.. I didnt react because she has no claim to him.. anyway, I think you have a chance.

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