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Grief & Loss Message Board

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Last summer, my mom passed away and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. At the time, I was going through IVF and found out I was pregnant about a month later. I am 30 years old and this is my first baby and I am due in 8 days. It has been really hard to go through this pregnancy without her in my life and as I get closer to the birth, I am feeling so alone even though I have alot of support with my friends and family. I just want to be able to talk with her and see her smile and the excitement that I know she would be having for me right now. And mostly I'm so sad because I know she will never be able to meet my daughter and hold her in her arms.
Has anyone gone through this or is going through this right now? How have you coped? I would love to be able to talk with someone who can relate...thanks for any replies.:angel:
I'm a single 34 year old with no children. I lost my mom 2 years ago. Your message really touched me. I don't necessarily have advice, but I do share the same fears. It used to be that all I wanted was to have my own family. Now I find that I'm losing that feeling. I can't imagine getting married and having children without my mom. The thought that bothers me the most is that she won't know them. I find myself clinging to the guy I was dating at the time of my mom's death. We broke up a few months later but I can't let go of the need to be with him because he knew my mom, and she really liked him. So if I can't be with him, I don't really want to be with anyone else.

I think, that when your baby comes, you will "feel" your mom with you. And you will see her beauty in that child. Of course your mom meant a lot to you, and still does. Pass that on to your baby. That's the best gift you can give. I wish the best for you and look forward to hearing how your doing after the baby is born.
Thank you for replying. I am now 2 days away until my due date and still feeling sad, but I know I have to move on. This baby is going to come no matter what and I do want her to know my mom and get a sense of who she was. When I found out I was pregnant and many other times throughout this past year, I have felt my mom around me and I know she will be with me the day I bring my daughter into the world as well.:angel:

Your message has touched me as well. My mother was there at my wedding and fortunately was able to walk me down the aisle. And, I will always remember that. For you, I don't think you should put your life on hold or not continue the dreams/goals you had just because your mom isn't there. She would have wanted you to be happy, to have a family, etc. I know it must be hard for you to move on (it has been very hard for me as well) but I'm sure you have felt your mom around you too. Look for signs...she probably gives them to you all the time. You will know in your heart when you've met the right guy and when you're ready to start a new life for yourself with him. And, your future husband and children can and should also know your mom and have her as part of their life through traditions and pictures and memories.

I will give you a little story about signs I know my mom is around. She and I always loved butterflies. I became more entranced by them when my nephew died about 2 months before my wedding. I had already decided on a butterfky theme and even got a tattoo changed (that was a lizard on my shoulder which I didn't think was flattering with my wedding dress) to a butterfly. My mom decided to buy all the women in my family butterfly necklaces to remember my nephew and to resemble new life. The day I was to get the results of my pregnancy test, I was so nervous and impatient. I was laying on my hammock in my back yard and out of nowhere, several butterflies flew around in my yard and I felt my mom was with me. Again, just recently when deciding on a new house that my husband & I were looking at, a butterfly flew across our path in front of the house moments before we decided to make an offer, so it was like I knew my mom liked it.
Look for your own signs...they will be there. Good luck!
She'll be with you not only as you raise your son/daughter--but during delivery!! Have a healthy baby! Cherie

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