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Grief & Loss Message Board

Grief & Loss Board Index

I am glad I found this board. I have not reached out to many people and I know I need to talk to someone. Here it is is a nutshell: My father passed away last July 06 after open heart surgery. He spent 6 weeks of hell in the hospital until he died. His wife, my step mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer the very same day that my father was diagnosed with heart blockages. We(he) knew it was a risky op because he was 80 and had kidney failure. He was a risk taker and he wanted to be around for my step mom. after Dad died, my step mom was ill for 7 months until she passed in Hospice last February. My sister, 53, had Hep C and had liver failure 5 years ago. She made it through that night when they gave her 50/50 chance of surviving. She was a recovering alcoholic, who after the liver failure, became sober and lived the next 5 years in AA meetings, helping other alcholics, and her faith was restored. She was complaning of shortness of breath, fatigue, etc. She was on Inteferon, her 2nd round for the HEP C. Her doctor said it was probably a side effect of this drugs, it is like Chemo for the liver and it makes you feel like crap. On August 8 she came to spend the night with me to take her to a Pulmonologist the next day. She was complaining of feeling faint, I felt her and she was ice cold and clamy. I told her I was going to admit her to the hospital. We went and her B/P was 69/42 when we admitted her and her oxygen was 80. They immediately ran tests, put her on oxygen. I spent the next 5 days with her in the hospital. On the 2nd day they told us she had severe pulmonary hypertension and had weeks or maybe months to live. I started to cry, and she was the one comforting me. She never complained, and was calm about it all. She had high hopes that they would find a blockage and fix it. I knew better, but for her, I said I ad hopes too. I was sitting with her on August 13th when she went into respiratory failure. They let me stay in the room with her, until they made me leave. They came back and said they had revived her. I went in and told her I loved her, she chuckled and said "I almost died". And said I love you too. They told me to cal family in. I did, my sister, brother, and brother in law all got there in abouot 30-40 minutes. They had taken her to ICU and would not allow me to go with her. They came down to the waiting room and told us to come in because they were doing chest compressions on her. I told them she did not want to be ventiallted. We had discussed her wishes the day before and I had all the paperwork ready for her to sign for living will, but it never happened because she went into resp. failure. right before I was going to give it to her to sign. WHEN they revived her the doctor asked her if she wanted to be ventiallted if need be or extrodinary measures taken to save her life. She said NO. THANK GOD, because if she had not come back and said that to him, legally, they we (she) would have not had a leg to stand on. They called him down and asked him if she had said that and he said yes, so they told them to stop doing compressions. We went in, she was still with us (not really), a nurse told her she was going to give her a shot of pain med and it would probably kill her. I said OK because I didn't want her to suffer long. I wish I had not have said OK because she could still hear me. WHY did I say that! I feel guilty, it would not have changed to outcome. She died about 5 minutes later with us at her side. Scince then, I am not sure if I am in extreme grief and depression. I have no motivation, lack of energy, cry everday for her, scream in the car, THREE family members in one year is too much! WHY!! My giref for my sister is unbearable. I am also still grieivng my Dad and step mom, was just getting though that grief when this happened. I have had ddisease, death and dying of loved ones for the past 13 months and I am so blaza about life right now. Is anyone else REALLY depressed after losing someone suddenly? I lost my Mom in 1991 and I got over that in about a year or two, but I didn't have this depression that I am having now.I suppose I need to pick up the phone and call a grief couselor. I still talk to her everyday and if I would have known she was that sick I would have gone up and stayed with her or had her stay with me. Her death was a complication of liver failure, with caused HBP, then pulmonary hypertension that lead to congestive heart failure. QUICKLY. Thanks for reading.

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