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Grief & Loss Message Board


Grief & Loss Board Index


Im so sorry for your loss. We all wonder why and grieve differently. I lost my son in June he was almost 5 and I cant seem to move on either in most ways. I dont like to go to the cementary because its too hard for me. I think we all move on in our own time and as mothers we all feel some sort of guilt and responsibility too. Some days I dont want to wake up and some days I want to forget I ever had my son just so I can go a day without experiencing the pain of his loss. BUt I still wake up every day and hes still gone.
Maybe you can seek a theripist they really do help or grief support group.
Its not fair we have to lose our children but they are safe now in Gods arms. Im here for you and im grieving with you also.
God bless out angels for they are walking in paridise together now.
I'm sorry to hear about your baby...Please don't put more grief on your grief,(if that makes any sense) by asking these kinds of questions, that you will never get an answer. Try to focus on the gift God gave you, I know it was for a short time, but still a gift.
Do you have any other chiildren? a husband? If so, put all that love you have for your little angel in them.

I pray for you, and I know God will show you how to smile again, but you have to let him in.

I lost my 18 yr old son on 1/21/08, so I know the feelings. Everyday is a battle, but I continue to fight, to make my son proud. I always told my son "be thankful for what you have and don't complain about what you don't have. So I must still think that way to keep my sanity.
[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"][SIZE="2"][/SIZE][/FONT]I am so sorry to hear that you lost your baby. I lost my baby on 29/2/08. He was 4 1/2 months old.

Please don't be hard on yourself. A child dying is something that no parent should have to deal with. I have found that people can't talk to me about my baby. I think that it is because they can't consider how they would function if they lost one of their own. My baby was sick from the moment he ws born and he never left the intensive care section of the hospital for 19weeks and 2 days. He had 8 general anasthetics and 4 operations, 2 of them were major surgeries. I at least had some warning that his life was in the balance. You didn't.

I recently came into contact with a lady who had scrapbooked her memories of her lost child. She was very sensitive and encouraging in my situation. She had made about 20 albums of various sizes of her Daughters life. She said she was working with some other Mums whose babies had died from SIDs and was helping them to scrapbook too. She gave me some wonderful ideas on how to collect my memories of my son and express how I feel about being his mum, and losing him, and about the hospital experience. I think that if I could express how I feel in this way then it can help me talk about my baby to others. It could even help them to talk about him to me.

I don't believe that babies die because God wants them in heaven. They die because their bodies stop working. I believe my baby is in heaven and that he is blissfully happy there and he no longer is held back by his body. I have been reading a book called "My dream of Heaven" originally published as "Intra Muros" by Rebecca Ruter Springer. It is very comforting as it has lots of mentions about babies and children in heaven. Its a really old book that has been re-published by Harrison House Oaklahoma.

I have been told nothing takes away the pain, ever, over time though, you learn to live around it. I think talking to people like yourself, the scrapbooking and reading will help me deal with my babys death and remember my babys life in a way that makes me a better person, wife and mother to my other children.
[QUOTE=lulu1star;3472406]My three and a half week old baby daughter died of 'sudden infant death'' I can'y stop blaming myself. I can't talk about it, and find it easier to write about it.

I went to her grave today to put flowers on but feel nothing while i'm there. I'm so confused it happened at the end of november and feel i should be moving on.[/QUOTE]

Hi Lulu, I am so sorry to hear of your sweet daughter. My five week old daughter died three weeks ago to SIDS as well. I've been through a lot of hard times in my life, but I have to say the pain that comes from this is nothing like I've ever felt before. I never thought the intensity of the pain could be sooooooo deep, but it is. I don't think we'll ever get over the pain from losing our children, I can only hope that within time, it won't hurt so much to just breath, surviving won't be such an effort. I'm only three weeks out from when my little girl passed, but it feels like an eternity. Just remember Lulu, we carried our babies inside for a long time. We had a life time of hopes and dreams planned for our little ones, I don't think even a year is enough time to "move on". I need to listen to my own advice, but try not to attach a time-line to your grief. Unfortunately, I don't think we'll ever be able to completely move on. There will always be reminders of our little ones...anniversaries, holidays, birthdays...even seeing other babies is enough to send me into an emotional break down right now. Again, I'm sorry. I have no words or wisdom that will be of any help, other than I'm a mother who lost a little one to this horrible "syndrome", and I can relate a bit to what your feeling. I think the hard part about having a baby die of SIDS, is that it's so unexpected. There is no time to prepare, there is no time to say Goodbye....and it hurts like hell!
Good luck Lulu, I'll say a prayer for you that you can find even the smallest amount of comfort. I know you won't feel better, but just know you're not alone.
Amber





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