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Grief & Loss Message Board

Grief & Loss Board Index

Re: Still Grieving
Dec 31, 2008
Hi... I am very sorry about the loss of your beloved wife. You know that she is in a much better place now. Your sense of loss is so deep even after 15 years and that shows just how much you loved her. Like you, I also a lot of times just wish to not wake up any more. I am really starting to believe that this time we have on earth is our "Hell".

Just this past July I lost my Mom to lung cancer and her time after diagnosis was like a roller coaster ride. However, the last month was pure hell as she could no longer eat and starved to death because of the cancer. She lived with me and my family and I was her sole caregiver. This is what brought me to this board this evening. I am missing her terribly right now and am very, very sad.

I pray for both of us this evening that when we wake up tomorrow we will be feeling a little better. I do wish you a happier new year.
Re: Still Grieving
Dec 31, 2008
Dear SherryAnne,
Thank You very much for your kind good wishes. It made a difference just to know that someone, somewhere, cared enough to respond to my post. This may indeed be the Judeo-Christian hell that we've all heard of of, but people who reach out and comfort strangers are the Angels that make this particular aspect of hell bearable. I am sorry for your loss as well as mine. If it is any comfort to you, please know that My Wife died with full confidence that She was looking into Paradise, and She said it was PERFECT! My Girl never told a lie...and I believe Her. Your Mom is in Paradise also. I hope and pray that this New Year brings comfort to all who grieve...that you, me, the guy down the street, everyone who feels lost and alone, will be able to attain a little bit of healing, a little bit of Grace. Every little bit helps. Every thing counts in large amounts. Again, I wish you peace, comfort and hope in the coming year. Sincere Thanks, and God Bless...
Re: Still Grieving
Jan 1, 2009
To: Daria Is Loved:
You commented on my post last evening. I do understand your pain, as much as one individual can understand another's feelings. When My Girl got really-really bad news, back in February '08 (up to that point we had a bit of hope She'd pull throught it) I spoke with a very wise gentleman. And while he had no cure up his sleeves, for either my Love or myself, he did share these thoughts with me, and I did find them helpful. These are not empty platitudes, but a bit of Buddhist philosophy, a bit of Judeo-Christian philosophy, tempered with a large helping of common sense. I hope and pray that you can find a bit of solace, and forgiveness for yourself...your posts speak of a greater survivor's guilt issue than I have, and I thought I was the king of survivor's guilt.
Here goes: 1) Obviously, your heart is broken. A broken heart, fortunately, or unfortunately, is an OPEN heart. The world needs more people with open hearts to help others along in life. The only true way to an open heart is the breaking of it. Yours Is broken, but it is now open to positive possibilities that will allow you to, when the time comes, shepherd yourself and those around you toward the "real" existence...Where Your Daria is, Where my Mary Kate is. 2) It is a sure, hard, fact that all relationships come to an end. Period. Either through lack of love, loss from death, unfaithfulness, need for independance, etc...all relationships have a beginning, and an end. 3) We are, all of us, You, Me, My Girl, Your Girl, SherryAnne, indeed, everyone who posts on this board, has an email address, or phone number, or draws breath, in one BIG relationship, in that we are all in the same boat, and ALL subject to the two preceeding constants. 4) That boat is about as stable as a bubble in a flowing stream...It floats along for a while, then maybe hits a rock and pops, or a fish breathes it in. But, it is all the same, unstable, and subject to dissolution. This has been true throughout all of history, kingdoms have been gained and lost due to the random action of reality, our loved ones are gained and lost through the same random action, and so on. 5) Everyone who feels grief wants to allay it it some way. Every treatment for grief is a form of medication. Some folks smoke tobacco, or pot, or, God forbid, shoot dope, or whatever. Some people, most, if not all, cry. There is no shame in tears. Cry when and if you want to, as much as you want to. There are no "tough guys" when it comes to grieving. My friend, these constants are all I know that I can share with you. It appears from your posts that YOU DID YOUR BEST!!! YOUR BEST...To help your Beloved in Her time of need. You did all you could with what you were given. You played the cards you were dealt AS BEST YOU COULD. No one can do any more than that. Your Daria knows you did all you could, and SHE WANTS YOU TO SURVIVE AS BEST YOU CAN, to live with the same love for life and humanity that your posts speak of HER having! You are a Man among men, and I, as much as is possible, know and share your pain through the hellish experiences of my last year. My cancer...? Who cares? Your, and others pain? I care. Many others care. Tell your story, keep a journal, talk to Your Girl...She hears you, look for signs and wonders that She may put right in front of you so YOU KNOW that She is in a better place. They are there. And Your Beloved is still with you, in your heart, your open heart. No one can remove or separate you two, as long as She is there. I wish you Peace in this coming year, Peace inside You and all around You.
PS: Here is a bit of a quote from the apocryphal "Gospel Of Peter", it was the last little bit on My Wife's wake/visitation card. I read it when I'm really low, or really up, and find that it suits well; "Care for the needy, comfort the distressed, befriend the rejected. Do these things and The Lord will be pleased. In ending Life, we find Life. Loving is to be Loved.

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