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Grief & Loss Message Board

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Re: Lost in sorrow
Jan 28, 2009
Okay -- if you want to know if things get better, I'm a testament to the fact that some things do get better.

First off I truly worshipped my husband because he chose me to be his wife and have children with. We both lived in relative harmony. He did all the shopping, bill paying, groceries and/or holiday, birthday gifts. He helped with housework once I came down with chronic fatigue and could no longer do everything myself. We didn't have assigned chores, if something needed to be done, it got done or he had the kids pitch in. Now with him gone, kids hardly help at all. NOTE: WE WERE LIVING IN MY CHILDHOOD HOME AS WELL SO ITS NOT LIKE I COULD MOVE ANYWHERE.

He died in April, 2005. Daughter graduated high school in Early June. Son was due to go out as part of the 2005 VANS Warped Tour and was willing to give it up but I insisted he go, so he did -- 49 cities in 51 days by bus. In July, I realized that it was wrong all my clothes were in the basement and all his was in three closets and two shelving units in my bedroom and my house.

I pulled all his stuff out. What was good, I gave to close people. He ran from 2x to 5x in wardrobe so I had to find 'big' people. All the shirts I held up that my daughter said "I remember Daddy in . . . " I bagged in a 30-gallon garbage bag. I intend to make quilts for her and my son to gift them on their wedding day from these pieces of shirts. All other clothes I gave to a co-worker for his church. When son heard I was doing this, he thought I was making drastic changes in the house. I didn't. When he got home he was able to see for himself.

Daughter wanted the chair her Dad died in taken out. I gave it to my mother-in-law and purchased a new chair -- that was all.

due to flood in kitchen, his music memorabilia came down off walls and I don't need extra stuff to clean so all the framed pictures and other coca-cola stuff came down and I'm not putting it up again.

My bedroom, we slept in had walls and ceilings cracked. Plaster pieces were always on the bed, etc. I had someone come in and put new sheet-rock up and I put wall-paper up and painted the bottom. Its my victorian sanctuary from stress, I love my bedroom.

These were the only changes -- it didn't happen all at once, it was something this month, something a few months later, the kitchen when the bathroom overhead flooded and things had to be fixed and my bedroom.

The only other thing I did was moved my queen-size mattress down to BF's shore house and get a twin bed for my room since it was only a 9x9 square.

So, while I hurt over something each week of my life and sometimes each day I live through, I need to make changes as they come up -- maybe not all at once, and maybe not all one year -- but you need to make your homes, yours and yours only. So that you can find comfort from the storm in it and it doesn't become part of the storm.

Love to all

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